


The Final Experiment

by ariminiria



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-09 16:52:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 32,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10416696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariminiria/pseuds/ariminiria
Summary: Kaitlynn Grace was an ordinary, 15-year-old girl. But she got on SHIELD's radar, and now nothing is the same. Somehow, in the middle of trying to balance a normal life with a super one, she got caught up in a world of gods, experiments, and terrorists. Can she find a way to accept this new world? Or will she lose herself to the chaos of her own shattered mind?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to chat with Kaitlynn, I have a joint Tumblr with a few friends where you can ask her and many of my other OCs anything you want! Here's the link: x-vengers-and-co.tumblr.com

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the cover for the story!


	2. Just an Average Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just the first chapter which I wrote foreeeever ago, I promise the writing quality will get better as I post the more recent chapters. Enjoy!

My name is Kaitlynn Marie Grace. I’m 15 years old and a sophomore in high school. My life was pretty average. I’d wake up, follow the morning routine, and then mom would drive me to school. Well, let me rephrase that... I wasn't _quite_ back into the routine. But give me a break, it was only the first day of the second week of school. Ugh. I hate Mondays.

So I dragged myself through the doors of what would be the prison of my mind for the next nine months, hoping that I could survive the day without the urge to murder someone. I got my things out of my locker without much conversation. After all, I didn't really have any friends. I was an awkward intellect, smart enough to think that a B- was a bad grade in any subject. I was shy and quite a daydreamer, easily distracted and most definitely an anomaly.

But more about me later. I went on to my first class. Biology, first thing in the morning. Lucky me. After enduring almost an hour of hearing Mrs. Updike drone on about the mitochondria and countless rabbit trails, the bell mercifully dismissed us. And on I went, passing through my other classes in much the same way.

When lunch rolled around, I was the first one at the table, having brought my food. The other sophomore girls trickled in, sitting down then promptly forgetting about me. See, I have this problem where someone else has to actually start a conversation with me. I absolutely will not be the instigator. This was most likely because every time I attempted to make an interjection, I was almost immediately blown off.

All was going rather smoothly-well, as smoothly as school can go-until seventh period. I was absentmindedly sitting in Spanish class listening to Mrs. Brentley remind us about the conjugation of _ser_ when a voice rang out over the intercom.

“Kaitlynn Grace to the main office.” Of course the whole class stared. I wanted to disappear, but instead I got up and hurried towards the door trying to attract as little attention as possible. As I walked the hallways, I ran through every possibility in my mind. Dad wasn't supposed to get me early... No sort of appointments or anything... I couldn’t come up with any reason as to why I would be called to the office. My heart pounded and my palms grew sweaty.

I opened the door to the office to see a tall black man clad in a dark leather trench coat. He turned to face me and I saw that he had a patch covering his left eye. As someone who was barely 5′1″, I found him a bit intimidating, to say the least.

“Ah, Miss Grace.” he said. “I’d like to have a private chat with you in the principal’s office, if you don’t mind.” Then, without waiting for an answer, he turned and went through the door to the principle’s specific room. I frowned, hesitating, then followed him in.

“Close the door.” he said, making himself comfortable in the rolling chair behind the cluttered desk. “Have a seat.” A bit uncomfortable with all of the formality and being ordered around, I slowly eased myself into a sitting position on the edge of one of the two chairs opposite the work space.

After a bit of uncomfortable silence, I still refrained from asking anything, my flaw of never beginning conversation ever presently making things awkward. I sat there as he stared me down with his one good eye, until finally, he said, “Most people would have pestered me with a thousand questions by now.” More silence. “But not you. Why is that?”

I thought for a moment, carefully thinking over what I wanted to say. That’s another quirk of mine. I’m eloquent in my head, but awkward out loud, so unless I make a mental script before I speak, it all comes out as rushed verbal vomit.

“I guess... I’m just not too good at making small talk.” He gave me a look that said Go on. “I mean, stuff like that makes me nervous. And like, I’m good with words on paper but when it comes time to say stuff out loud...” I gestured helplessly with my hands. “I’m just not the chit chat type.” Thingie #3 of mine: Say something awkward then keep rambling. But this guy wasn’t blowing me off yet, so...

“I can understand that.” the man finally replied, leisurely leaning back in the seat. “But luckily for you, I didn’t come here to make chit chat.” Then, leaning forward, he looked me dead in the eye and said, “I’m here to talk to you about the Avengers initiative.”

I frowned. “I- Sorry, what now?” He smiled a little bit, then slid me a stack of files which he seemingly pulled from nowhere.

“The Avengers. Earth’s mightiest heroes and all that. You have been noticed by the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division, or S.H.I.E.L.D. for short, because of your exemplary performance in the academics program of your school as well as some key characteristics that have been observed by your instructors.”

“So.... you’re a spy club?” I asked, thumbing through the first file, simply marked “S.H.I.E.L.D.”. I chuckled, shaking my head. “Look, Mr. uh?”  
“Fury, Nick Fury.”

“Mr. Fury, I don’t know if you noticed, I’m not exactly spy material. I haven’t played a sport since eighth grade, I have no fighting training whatsoever, and I’m only fifteen years old.”

“That’s exactly why we want you. You have displayed exceptional mental skills for someone your age, and we were already considering starting a program with younger agents. You would be... the control subject, if you will. And as for combat skills, we can handle that. You’ll be trained by the Avengers themselves.” He nodded at the remaining files. “Read over those, they’ll tell you everything you need to know, should you choose to accept.”

“I’ll do it.” Verbal vomit. The words leapt out of my mouth before I could stop them. Fury raised an eyebrow. His expression almost amused, as if I had just proven a point.

“Your parents said you’d say that. We already talked to them, by the way. They cleared everything, since you are a minor, and we’ve got everything taken care of. I’ll be dropping by your house tonight to fully debrief you, but I assume you know to keep everything...” he referred to the files again, “confidential?”

“Yes, sir. Of course, sir!”

“Then I’ll see you tonight, Agent.” He stood up and walked out. I glanced at the clock. Two periods had gone by without my noticing. It was time to leave already. I ran to my locker, gathering what I needed from the teachers whose classes I’d missed, and took a moment just to breathe.

Me, the most uncoordinated, awkward, ungraceful human being ever to walk these halls... Me, an agent... I glanced at the files, safely hidden in my backpack. I sure hoped these Avengers were good. They were going to have to be miracle workers to make a spy or a superhero out of me. It seemed so impossible... But, I thought, only time will tell.


	3. Discussing the Future

When my mom picked me up, I didn’t mention anything about the conversation in the office. Even so, as we pulled out of the school parking lot, I could tell she wanted to talk about it. She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could get the words out, I said, “Let’s not do this now Mom... I need some time to think, okay?” She closed her mouth and just nodded.

I pulled out the files and started looking through them. The first one I picked was for a guy called Steve Rogers. Luckily, we lived in the middle of nowhere, so I had plenty of time to read. By the time we reached the house, I knew more than I ever could want to about Captain America, Black Widow, Hawkeye, and Quicksilver. I still had several files to go through, so I rushed inside and hid myself away in my room to have some privacy. I had just finished the last file-about a guy called Thor-when there came a knock at the door.

“Kaitlynn, the agents are here now.”

“I’m coming!” I gathered the files and rushed into the living room where Nick Fury had already made himself at home, along with two other agents. One was a balding male with a trustworthy face, the other a woman with dark hair and a “let’s get down to business” look about her. My parents both disappeared upstairs. I had assumed they wouldn't be allowed to join us, most likely for security reasons.

“Ah, Agent Grace.” said Fury. “I’d like for you to meet two of my colleagues. They will be monitoring your progress throughout your training and, when the time comes, assigning your missions.”

The man stuck out his hand first, saying, “Agent Phil Coulson.”

Then the woman. “Agent Maria Hill.” The two agents then seated themselves on the couch, while I sat by myself on the loveseat. Fury opted to stand off to the side. Then, cutting right to the chase, Coulson spoke up authoritatively.

“Now for security reasons, you will continue to attend school here as normal. No use drawing attention from any unsavory characters. You will be transported to the Avengers tower in New York on weekends and breaks for training. Obviously, you are not to share any information about your training or any activities involving S.H.I.E.L.D. with anyone, even your parents. Again, for security reasons, for the protection of those around you and for protection of any vital information you may acquire throughout the duration of your service.” I nodded, fully understanding the gravity of what was expected of me.

After Coulson finished his tirade, I signed some confidentiality papers and other things. My parents had already signed everything they needed to for the minors legality issue. Then, the agents were headed out the door. As they left, the female agent turned to me.

“It was nice meeting you, Kaitlynn. I’ll see you on Friday.”

“Goodbye. And thank you, Agent Hill.”

She smiled. “Call me Maria.” I smiled back then closed the door. Now, more than ever before, I couldn’t wait for Friday to come.

 

So I struggled through the week, both anxious and apprehensive about what Friday might hold. When the day finally came, it dragged on and on, excruciatingly slow. At long last, the dismissal bell rang. I gathered my things and rushed to my locker. After I had everything in my backpack, I went to the girl’s locker room and pulled out the bag that contained my clothes for the weekend.

When I got outside, I saw Maria Hill waiting for me, leaning against a dark, tinted sports car.

_Traveling in style, huh? Cool._

I hurried over to her. “What, are we driving to New York?” I mused, raising an eyebrow. _Where did that come from? Did I just... start a conversation?_ She smirked, slightly amused by my poor attempt at humor.

“No, we’re driving to a secure location so you can fly to New York. Can’t exactly land the Quinjet in the school parking lot, now can we? ” Sassy. I decided that I definitely liked Agent Hill.

“I suppose there’s a chance that that _might_ blow my cover...” I sighed, feigning irritation. She gave me another small grin.

“C’mon kid, let’s hit the road.” She took my bags and put them in the trunk. I climbed into the passenger’s side. On the drive to the pick up location, I got to know Maria a little better, but when we were on the Quinjet, all I could do was gawk in amazement at the mind-boggling technology that surrounded me.

Maria noticing this, gave me an amused look and said, “If you think this is impressive, wait until you see the Avengers tower.” I smiled in reply. Out the window, I could see New York growing bigger, my new, part-time home rising up from the sea of concrete like a lighthouse on the shore. I took a deep breath as the aircraft drew nearer to it. Here we go.


	4. Meeting the Avengers

The Quinjet smoothly landed on the balcony-like protrusion of the glistening tower, the back hatch opening as soon as we came to a complete stop. The moment it was fully extended, I apprehensively yet excitedly exited the aircraft.

“Calm down there, kid.” Maria called. I turned around just in time to catch my backpack, which she had thrown at me. _Oof._ I stumbled back a bit. (What? Don’t look at me like that, all those books are heavy!) Maria smirked at me, then glanced at her watch and said, “We’re a bit early, so I’ll let them know you’re here. I’m sure they’ll all want to gather and meet you. I’ll be right back.”

With that, she tossed my other bag down at my feet and walked off to gather the Avengers, leaving me alone in the landing area. After a bit of waiting, Maria came back. “They’re all in the... well, we call it the living room. It’s more of a...” She sighed. “You’ll see.”

We got into the elevator and when the doors reopened, I understood what Maria had meant. We were in a large, open area with different levels connected by various staircases, kind of a conglomeration of several different rooms. Everything was very sleek and unlike anything I’d ever seen before. There was an area in the center of the level we were on that had a cluster of couches grouped together around a glass table.

That’s where they were; convened there, my new team. The group was happily conversing amongst themselves, completely oblivious to our presence. That is, until one of them, a girl with dark hair and-did her eyes just flash red? _Oh right, that must be the Maximoff girl._ -looked over at us. This caused a chain reaction as the rest of the group recognized that attention was being diverted.

I was suddenly very uncomfortable. Then Maria stepped forward.

“Avengers, meet the newest addition. This is Kaitlynn Grace.” If I wasn’t the center of attention before, I most certainly was now. Every eye was on me.

“Wow, they weren’t kidding when they said she’d be young.” snarked a man with dark facial hair.

 _The billionaire._ I thought.

“Exactly how old are you again? Fifteen?”

I offered a shy nod and felt my face turning red. As if sensing my awkwardness, a tall, muscular blond man stood from his spot on the couch.

_That’s the patriotic one, right?_

He came over to me, his 6′2″ frame towering over my petite height of 5′1″, and extended his hand. “Nice to meet you, Kaitlynn.”

I accepted the greeting, and though I avoided his steely gray-blue gaze, I managed to get out, “Likewise, Captain Rogers.” He chuckled.

“Call me Steve.” I gave him the barest of a bashful smile. “I’m sure you’ve already read the files,” he continued, “But nevertheless, Kaitlynn Grace, Meet the Avengers.” There was a clumsy exchange of handshakes and greetings.

When I got to the redhead, she gave me a lazy smile. “I’m Natasha, I’ll be your primary trainer, and I’m going to apologize in advance for any insensitive remarks that come out of Stark’s mouth. He literally has no filter.”

“Good to know.” I smirked, casting a glance his way. Tony held up his hands in defense, sort of a “don’t hate me cause I’m beautiful” kind of gesture. I swear the whole group rolled their eyes in unison.

“Oh, don’t listen to Romanov, she just doesn’t appreciate my humor.”

“Someone’s bossy today.” Clint called.

“I’m not bossy, Hawkeye, I simply make suggestions without options. There’s a difference.”

“Sure.”

I smiled, then, taking the opportunity to offer my own sass, “Well, Stark, I might appreciate the tip, but given your track record, I’m disinclined to acquiesce to your request.” The group seemed surprised that someone as shy as me could have such a bold moment. Heck, I shocked myself!

The silver-haired Sokovian smirked. “I like her. She might actually be a match for Stark.”

“Like he needs any encouragement.” Bruce mused.

“Aw, don’t butt heads with me kid, we’ve only just met!” Tony whined.

In another moment of pure bravery, I snarked back, “Well I could agree with you, but then we’d _both be wrong_.” Everyone snickered, but after that daring remark, I lost my gall. I blushed heavily and immediately quieted down.

As if she sensed the change in my demeanor (which she probably could, being a mind reader and all), Wanda put a hand on my shoulder and said, “Well, since my brother and I were the newest members before you, I suppose it’s only right that we show you to your room.”

_Oh my gosh I love her accent._

I assume she heard that, because she gave me an amused look. She wasn’t one for much emotion, I realized. I just nodded in compliance to her response, then turned to get my bags. But before I had even taken a step, there was a silver blur and a rush of wind, and suddenly Pietro was moving towards the hall, carrying my bags for me. I blinked, then shook my head, remembering his powers.

“This way.” he smirked. Ugh, that accent... And I’m not gonna lie, he was a bit of a looker, too. Maybe it was the wind-blown hair, the mischievous eyes... Not to mention his well-cut figure... Then, blushingly, I remembered about his sister’s telepathy and nearly choked then and there. I refused to make eye contact with her as I started after Pietro. It was probably a bit creepy that I was checking him out anyway, just because of the age difference. He was what, twenty-one? And here I was, fifteen years old, as Tony had so blatantly pointed out.

I started to follow him, but before Wanda and I could completely disappear down the corridor, however, Natasha called out to me.

“Hang on a minute, are those bags all you brought?”

Sheepishly, I replied, “Well... yeah... I mean, you know, backpack for school work, duffle bag for clothes?”

She cocked an eyebrow. “That simply won’t do. Wanda and I are taking you shopping sometime soon.”

“Oh, you don’t have to-”

“No, really, it’s no trouble. Stark has money to burn, so why not?”

Now Tony gave her a look. “Giving out my money, are you Romanoff?”

“Yes.”

He just shrugged. “Fine with me.” He nodded his head towards the direction I was originally headed. “You two had better catch up. Speedy won’t wait up. In fact, I’m surprised he’s managed to stay still for this long.” I exchanged a glance with Wanda, then we hurried after her brother. Oh yes. Life from now on was definitely going to be interesting.


	5. Getting to Know You

Well, the twins did indeed help me get settled (well, with what little I had), and then they proceeded to give me a brief tour/rundown of the tower. Also, I was beginning to see what Tony had meant by his comment about Pietro. The boy practically spazzed every two seconds. He would be there, in front of me, then he would be behind me, then across the hall, then back at my side. Every time he did that, I just kind of stood there, wide eyed and frozen in place while his sister seemed amused by my reaction.

We were almost back to the ‘living room’ to rejoin the others when it just so happened that Pietro decided that this would be a good time to spazz. This time, however, he wasn’t just contained to a hallway. In a silvery-blue blur, he raced around the whole area, sending papers flying and knocking some things over. Cue the “deer-in-the-headlights” look from me, and a smirk from Wanda. The other Avengers seemed unfazed, as if they were used to his usual antics by now.

Once again, the attention was on me. _Ugh._

“Come here, Kaitlynn,” Natasha called. “It’s ‘get-to-know-the-newbie’ time.”

Clint snorted. “You’re lucky. Normally, ‘get-to-know-me’ time happens while dodging bullets. You get a classier first introduction.” I just smirked in response as I tentatively sat between Natasha and Steve.

“So, tell us about yourself, kid.” Tony said. My face grew hot. I hadn’t prepared a mental script.

“I-uh...” I tried. I just blushed harder and was silent for a few moments, giving myself some time to think of what to say.

“Well first of all, I’m not a huge fan of being the center of attention...” There were a few awkward glances and apologetic stares. “But when it’s unavoidable, I make the most of it. I’m 5′1″, for those of you who are wondering exactly how much shorter than you I am. Um... I can be a bit insensitive at times, but loyal. Somewhat observant, intellectually inclined...” Then I murmured, “As my 4.0 GPA will attest.” I paused. was this weird? I didn’t really know what they were looking to hear from me.

“I’m from Missouri... Lived in the same place my whole life.” I shrugged. “Nothin’ much else to tell, unless you care that I get hyper when I’m tired.” I added with a small grin. They all smiled.

_That’s good. I guess..._

I checked the time on my phone, not as subtly as I would have liked. It was nine o’clock. Thankfully, I didn’t have any homework this weekend. Since school had just started, the homework was easily done in class.

“So,” Steve started, obviously trying to help me out. “Ever been to New York before?”

I shook my head. “Nope.” Then, with a smirk, I added, “What, we gonna go all ‘Annie’ and do a musical number on the streets of the city?” Suddenly, the very song in question blared over the PA system, only playing the chorus before cutting off the classic show tune.

“It seems FRIDAY has a sense of humor.” I grinned. Tony-and everyone else-stared at me. (Though I suppose I should be used to that by now... Stupid social anxiety!)

“How did you know that that was FRIDAY that did that?” asked the suspicious billionaire.

“First of all, that was a lot of “that’s”, second of all, FRIDAY is your AI. She was included in your file. The song was played in response to my comment, and it couldn’t have been any of you. I mean, come on, some of you have never even heard of that _movie_ , let alone that song.” I looked pointedly at Steve before continuing. “Obviously, it had to have been the resident intelligence unit.”

I was met with stunned faces and a “ _That’s right, Miss._ ” from a disembodied voice.

“The resident _Irish_ intelligence.” I added, glancing towards the nearest security camera.

“ _Slightly_ observant?” Bruce gave me a small, mischievous grin.

“It’s just... Simple deduction.” I shrugged.

Clint grinned. “I’m beginning to see why Fury wants you on our team, Sherlock.” I blushed.

“Well I’m nowhere _near_ as good as the sociopathic detective, though I can be unbearable at times.” I reasoned.

“So, you’re a fan of musicals?” Natasha asked. I didn’t know why, but I trusted these people. When they asked a question, I could tell that they were asking because they actually wanted to know, not just as a pleasantry.

“Oh yes! I’m a huge theatre nerd. _Wicked_ , _Into the Woods_ , _The Phantom of the Opera_ , and don’t get me started on _Oliver!_... Now there was a great show, the cast was so close and the director was absolutely...” I trailed off realizing I had just majorly geeked out in front of people I had just met an hour ago.

Wanda, however, seemed curious. “You are an actor? What part did you play in this... _Oliver!_?”

“Well, I do musicals amateurly, but I’ve never gotten a lead role. In _Oliver!_ , I was part of the boys gang.” I smiled at the memory. “I made some really good friends.” I sighed, then, “But I hardly ever talk to them now.” I perked up. “So anyway. Musicals. Yeah.”

After that, they asked me some more questions, attentive to each answer, until everyone decided to retire for the night.

“Be sure to rest up.” Natasha said. “In the morning, I intend to take you and Wanda on a shopping outing. Girls’ day out. A chance for some female bonding time.”

“But I-”

“No buts.” she cut me off. “Girls’ day. Tomorrow. Go rest.” She gently pushed me in what I assumed was the direction of my room with a gentle smile. That’s when I sort of panicked. The tower was huge, and I had only been in that room once. But, I had a pretty good memory when it came to finding my way. I had the images in my head from my journey earlier, so I figured I’d be fine.

As I walked, I noticed that most of the Avengers, with the exception of Tony, Bruce, Natasha and Steve headed in the same direction. I assumed the quartet would discuss me, then the latter two would head to bed while the science pair would stay up in the lab. If my deductions were correct, that is.

Wanda came up beside me as I neared my door.

“If you need anything, I am right across the hall. Don’t hesitate to ask, neighbor.” She smiled, then went into her room. Later, as I lay on my bed trying to fall asleep, I thought that maybe, just maybe, I had finally found a place to fit in.

I woke earlier than expected the next morning, so I went ahead and put my contacts in, brushed my teeth, and got dressed. Just in time too, as Natasha knocked on my door.

“Rise and shine, Sherlock!”

“Coming!” I made my way to the door, tripping over-what the... my backpack. Whoops. _Thunk._

I heard Natasha chuckle. “You alright?” I finally made it to the door.

“Yep!” I said, opening it up. “I just tripped... over my bag. I may have failed to mention last night that I’m a bit of a klutz...” She smiled in her secretive way, like we were sharing an inside joke, then Wanda appeared in the doorway beside her.

“Ready to go?”

“I just wanna grab some breakfast on the way out.” I confirmed with a nod.

“Of course.” she smiled. Then, with utmost solemnity, she continued, “Word of advice though: Even though he is not here, do not touch Thor’s Poptarts. He is very protective of them.”

“Got it.”


	6. How to Make Friends 101

After some uncertain shopping (which mainly consisted of Natasha and Wanda snatching up everything in my size that they deemed cute) we returned to the tower, stuffing my many bags into the elevator. My two companions insisted that I model a few outfits for them, seeing as I hadn’t tried anything on. It seemed Natasha was serious about casually spending Stark’s money.

So I blundered back to my room buried in the results of our shopping spree and (finally) emerged, deciding on a comfortable yet stylish pair of jeans and a simple top.

To my embarrassment, Steve walked in at the same time the girls were complimenting my outfit, their ogling prompting him to glance at my outfit. Ugh, I hate it when people stare...

He gave me a friendly smile, seemingly pleased to see me getting involved with the group.

 

Later on, I got some one-on-one time with each of the Avengers. And, though each of the encounters began awkwardly, almost every one of them ended in laughter. I was slowly growing to trust these lovable weirdos.

Unfortunately, Monday rolled around sooner than I would have liked, and before I knew it, I was back to school again. However, district choir auditions were coming up, so at least my situation wasn’t totally hopeless...

I arrived at the tower homework-free in my excitement, feeling something of a nervous anticipation for the real work that was to come.

When I (finally) arrived back at the tower, I was greeted with a “Good to have you back, Sherlock.” from Tony, and a “Hey kiddo.” from Natasha. Suddenly, I nearly had the living daylights scared out of me when a thunderous voice boomed behind me.

“And who might this young lady be?” came a greeting from the blond giant. I’m pretty sure I squeaked and jumped about a foot in the air.

“Easy Point Break, you’re gonna scare her to death!” Tony chuckled.

The giant turned to me, looking quite concerned. “My apologies. I am Thor Odinson. And you are?”

“I-I’m Kaitlynn...” I quietly managed to get out.

Natasha had a somewhat bemused expression, but seemed on guard as if she sensed a nearby threat. “Where’s your brother, Thor? I thought you were on babysitting duty this weekend.”

The man’s cheerful demeanor lessened somewhat, but he looked over his shoulder towards where I assumed he had come from. “Loki should be along shortly. I believe he was with Banner and the Captain in the lab.”

Momentarily satisfied, the redhead turned to me. “Get changed and meet me in the training room in ten minutes. We’ve got no time to waste.” Just then, the elevator doors opened, and Steve made his way over to say hello. With him was a tall, lean man with long, raven hair. His eyes were enchantingly green, and there was a foreboding familiarity to him that I couldn’t seem to place. I knew him from the SHIELD file (he had been listed in Thor’s info as his brother), but there was still something about him…

As the pair neared us, I felt the ever-watchful eyes of the ex-KGB assassin. She was observing me carefully, trying to gauge my reaction, I suppose. They came to a stop in front of the group, and I was suddenly aware of an expectant silence. The others were curiously glancing between me and the stranger as if awaiting my opinion. I frowned thoughtfully. Now I had identified the familiar feeling. Tilting my head, I took a hesitant breath.

“He’s like me.”

Everyone froze. I sensed there was something about this statement that made them uneasy, so I decided to get out of the awkward situation.

I lightly cleared my throat, then said, “Training room, ten minutes. Right.” I turned and started to walk away when a smooth voice stopped me in my tracks.

“What do you mean by that?” I whirled back around to face the man.

“Beg your pardon?” I wanted to be certain of what I’d heard. The man, Loki I presumed, observed me with curious disdain.

“You said you were like me.” he reasserted incredulously. “How so?” I glanced at the others. It seemed they too were anxious to hear my response. Wanda looked understanding, knowing what was about to come.

“Well?” Steve prompted. If I went through with this, Tony would call me Sherlock till the day I died. Sighing, I forged ahead.

“Well, he’s introverted, doesn’t like to talk... although, he can be quite clever with words when the need arises. He’s intelligent, both linguistically and tactically, and quite cunning. Good with deduction too, I imagine.” The others were fairly surprised. The man in question, however, merely seemed irritably pensive.

“So they’ve warned you of me, I see.” Was that what was bothering him? Perhaps he didn’t want me to have a biased opinion of him.What could be so bad about this man that would make the others uncomfortable with our shared traits?

“No no, actually, all I knew about you was your name.” I offered placatingly. This only seemed to unnerve him further. He looked somewhat offended that I’d unraveled him the way I did.

“How...?”

“She’s quite the little detective.” Stark interjected. “But I am curious as to just how you managed to deduce him like that.” All eyes on me again. Sigh.  
“The first clue was the silence, the way he keeps to himself. If he were extroverted, no matter what he’s done in the past, he’d be talking, making conversation with everyone. If for nothing else, just to annoy you with his presence.

“As for his speaking skills, well... He comes from the same place as Thor, yet he’s not a broad and muscular as his brother. He can still defend himself, but he isn’t particularly interested in pursuing the life of a warrior. His pale complexion indicates that he spends a lot of time indoors. But, since laziness would not be tolerated in Asgard, he must have set his focus on a different path. He most likely reads a lot, therefore, he has high-level linguistic skills.

“Going back to the introversion, he often spends time alone, giving him time to think and plan, hence the tactic and cunning. And you can see it in his eyes; the way he observes the room, deducing and planning, always watching for threats or the quickest way out in the event of danger.” I finally paused for breath and shrugged. “Simple deduction, really.”

I glanced at Natasha. “Where’s the training room again? Never mind, I’ll just ask FRIDAY.”

With that, I turned and walked towards my room to get into my training clothes.


	7. Is This What Dying Feels Like?

True to my word, I slipped into the outfit Natasha had put together for training purposes, tied back my hair, and was in the training room by the time ten minutes had passed. My trainer was standing there, wearing clothes similar to mine. Acknowledging my presence, she spoke.

“First, I’m going to do a general assessment to see what skill level we’re starting with, then we’ll get into conditioning and hand-to-hand combat.” I nodded, showing my affirmation.

She continued, “I need you to understand that throughout the course of your training, I am not going to go easy on you. You are preparing to be an agent, therefore you will be treated like any of our other SHIELD employees. It will be hard, but you were chosen for a reason. We have faith in your capabilities.”

I nodded again, only slightly intimidated.

“Alright. Now, hit me.”

I frowned. “Sorry, what?”

“We’re going to spar. Show me what you’re made of, Sherlock.”

So, I did. I threw a punch toward her face, figuring I couldn’t do much damage to a master assassin. How right I was. She caught my fist and twisted my arm behind my back. I spun out to the right, at the same time putting my leg behind hers and landing her on her back. We continued on for a while, and I seemed to be holding my own well enough. Well, that is until we stopped. I bent over, hands on my knees, breathing heavily. Natasha, however, hadn’t even broken a sweat.

“Right.” she said to herself, as if pondering my performance. “Now let’s see how you do when I’m actually trying.”

My eyes went wide.

 _I’m going to die._ I thought. But I’m going to give it my best shot.

Needless to say, a few minutes later found me gasping for breath, lying on my back on the floor. Meanwhile, Natasha hadn’t even broken a sweat.

Covering my eyes with my arm, I wheezed out, “Is this what dying feels like?”

“Oh no, dying feels much worse.” I looked up to see the elder Maximoff smirking down at me. “Trust me, I would know.”

I sensed a serious undertone to his words, so I lightly replied, “I’m just gonna take your word for it since my lungs are still on fire...”

Just then, the doors to the gym opened, revealing a somewhat anxious-looking Steve.

“Nat, we got a hit.” That got her attention.

“How far out?”

“Near Canada. we have to leave now if we want to have any chance of finding something.”

Natasha looked between Pietro and I, then settled her gaze on me.

“I have to go, something’s just come up.” Back to the Sokovian. “Pietro will start conditioning training with you while I’m gone.” She patted my shoulder in farewell, then  
she and Steve headed out. I looked over at the silver-haired speedster. He gave me a small, mischievous grin.

_Uh oh._

 

That night, I practically passed out on my bed. Pietro had been quite infuriating in the fact that he had used his speed to stay just a few steps ahead of me, occasionally taking a millisecond to overlap me just for the heck of it. I was so tired that I’d have slept till noon, had it not been for Natasha smacking me in the head with a pillow.

“Wakey, wakey, kiddo!”

“Ugh, good to have you back...” I groaned.

“I know, I know, you love me... But we really have to get to work.”

It was still dark outside!

“Really? It’s like...” I glanced at the clock. “Five in the morning!”

“Tough. We only get you for the weekends, so we have to make good use of our limited time. So up you go, and be-”

“Yeah, yeah, training room in ten minutes, got it.” I blinked the sleep out of my eyes.

“On second thought, can I have twenty?”

“Only for today.” she smirked, leaving me to my sleep-ridden misery.

_I may have bitten off more than I can chew..._

And so my day consisted of another hundred laps with Pietro, then crunches, push-ups, and pull-ups with Natasha. Did I mention I had to do a hundred of each? It was  
brutal. And not too pretty.

This was my life now; struggling through the weeks with homework and the like, then pushing myself past the point of physical exhaustion on the weekends. But eventually, I began to progress. My muscles hardened, and I was capable of much more than I had been when I first started. Nat decided that it was time for me to graduate to basic physical combat, and so Steve was added to my rotation of instructors.

After lunch, I started my first session with the soldier. He taught me the beginning forms and then we sparred for a bit. During a break, we had a chance to talk for a bit.

“So Kaitlynn, how are you holding up with all of this... madness?” I considered his words.

“I’m doing as well as can be expected, I suppose.”

_Come on, be brave... Just ask, I’m sure he won’t care._

_I don’t wanna be nosy though..._

_You’re not being nosy, just friendly._

_I’m bad at small talk._

_Just go for it._

“What about you?” He tilted his head, reminding me somewhat of a Labrador retriever.

“What do you mean?”

_Good job._

“I-well... It’s just... You and Nat are rushing off to who-knows-where, practically every weekend... You’re running yourself ragged chasing... whatever it is. I just was wondering if you’re... okay.”

He gave me a look that I couldn’t quite place. Then, instead of answering, he gave a slight smile.

“Y’know, most folks these days would've been grillin' me for details that very first day I up and disappeared. But not you.” This conversation was sounding strangely familiar.

“Well Captain, I’m not ‘most folks’. Them 'hepcats' got nothin’ on me. I figured that if you wanted me in the know, you would have told me.” His head snapped towards me at the sound of the familiar slang. I could practically see the question forming in his mind.

“What--”

“I brushed up on my 1940's slang, Cap. Thought it’d help things seem less... cock-eyed for you.” A genuine smile, for the first time in weeks. It seemed as though I might have helped to lessen the weight on his shoulders.

“Thanks for that. And, I think you should know why I’m gone so often…” he sighed. “You see in back in the forties, I had this friend called Bucky. You probably saw him in my file. Well, it turns out that when he fell , he didn’t really die. He was taken by HYDRA...”

For the next hour or so, I listened to his story, wondering what made him trust me so much--though a part of me was glad that he did. I had a feeling that Steve Rogers might just be a great friend.


	8. He's Like Me

Of course, Steve had to leave again, but now I understood the urgency behind his escapades. However, the rest of the team had also been called away. Maria tried to schedule them so that there was at least one person there to train me at all times, but it seemed an emergency had come up. Bruce was still at the tower with me, but he mostly kept to himself in the lab, still there if I needed anything serious. And, after much debate, Loki was also left behind. Under strict surveillance via FRIDAY, I might add...

Anyway, I was left to train alone, so I went to the gym and grudgingly did my sets of 100. (You’re welcome, Natasha.) Then, I wrapped my hands and moved on to the punching bag, practicing what Steve had taught me. I finished up, then headed back to my room to wash away the sweat and grime. I slipped into something more comfortable and flopped down on my bed. As I wrung the water from my still-dripping hair, I called to FRIDAY.

“Hey, is there anything to do around here other than training?”

“Based on your profile, I believe you may find the library to your liking, Miss.” came the mechanized reply.

“Yeah, that sounds great!” I hopped up and walked out the door. Then, I stopped. “Uh... Where _is_ the library?”

 

I softly crept through the forest of shelves, the dead silence somehow soothing in a beautifully relaxed environment. I was totally in my comfort zone, completely immersed in the world of paper and ink. Slinking along the dimly lit aisles, I gently ran my fingertips along the spines of the preciously bound novels as I passed by.

I turned the corner to find a lounge/study area that held several couches and armchairs, one of which was already occupied. Loki looked up from his book to glare at me with disdain, obviously perturbed at having his reading interrupted. Sticking to my No-Starting-Conversations Policy, I merely acknowledged him with a nod and turned to go look around a bit more. However, for the second time since I’d met him, I was stopped in my tracks by his silken voice.

“I thought FRIDAY would have alerted me if someone else had required the use of this room.” I turned to see him standing, as if preparing to leave.

“Oh, y-you don’t have to go... I was just bored, and FRIDAY suggested I check out the library, so I thought, ‘Why not?’.” I paused, then rushed to clarify. “I mean, unless you were already planning on leaving or something... Or, you know, since I kinda barged in on you, I can leave if I’m bothering you...”

He raised an eyebrow as I trailed off, leaving a long pause between the two of us before he settled himself back into his spot. He didn’t reopen his book though, I noticed. 

His gaze remained on me, as if he were trying to decipher my mind.

“So...” I started. “Are there any books you’d recommend?” He looked a little startled, yet somewhat pensive and indecisive at the same time, as if formulating a plan. I tried to settle my gaze elsewhere to avoid an awkward situation, but when I looked back to him, the Norse legend was standing right in front of me. I jumped slightly.

_What the heck?_

“I believe you might find this interesting.” He held a book out to me. The aged novel was a dark brownish-purple, with gold stripes lightly shimmering on the binding. I gently accepted it, almost reverently caressing the edge of the cover.

I felt Loki’s eyes on me, so I hugged the volume to my chest. and said, “Well, I won’t bother you any more. Thanks for the book.” I gave a shy smile, then retreated out of the library, sensing his gaze all the way.

Once I was safely back in my room, I sat on my bed and opened the weathered tome.

 _The Legend of Camelot, huh? Loki must be reading up on Midgardian literature._ I thought.

However, it did seem like something I would be interested in. I always did have a thing for mythology... So I dove into the tale, and let myself be swept away in a world of royalty and magic.

 

A few hours later, I started awake to a knock on the door.

“Kaitlynn? It’s Natasha. FRIDAY said you haven’t been out of your room since 11 o’clock... It’s nearly 3 now! You missed lunch.”

I blinked the sleep out of my eyes. I remembered setting the book on the nightstand, and I had been so tired from training that I must have fallen asleep.

“I’m here!” I called. “I just... took a little nap.” I stumbled to the door and opened it.

The redhead smirked at my sleepy form. Raising an eyebrow she said, “Busy day?”

I looked at her pointedly. “For your information, I did in fact do all of my training. However, I fell asleep because I had been reading.” I paused as my stomach rumbled.

“And I am absolutely starving.”

With that, my mentor tossed her arm around my shoulder and we headed to the kitchen. There, we found most of the other Avengers, fresh back from their mission and scrounging for food.

Loki was off by himself, as per usual. After I had grabbed a snack, I opted to intrude upon his isolation, intentionally this time. The others cast concerned glances my way, specifically Thor, but I just shrugged them off.

The trickster sent one of his specialty glares my way, but I could tell it was weaker than normal, veiling some other emotion that I couldn’t read. Despite his callous reception of me, he was the one to initiate conversation.

“Have you found the novel to your liking so far?” Then, with a condescending smirk, he continued. “Or have you even bothered to start it?”

Now let’s get something straight right now. I don’t take attitude from anyone. I don’t care if they’re basically demi-gods. You don’t sass me when I’m clearly more knowledgeable on the subject. Wow, that sounds condescending... I just hate when people assume I’m less intelligent than I am. 

Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t mad or anything, but when Loki got a little too high-and-mighty for my taste, I figured I’d knock him down a peg or two. Especially since we had an audience. The others had overheard his remarks and were now eavesdropping, their curiosity piqued.

I raised my eyebrows, feigning innocence. “Actually, I finished about an hour ago. Just a bit of light reading, you know.”

His eyebrows shot up. “You finished?”

I shrugged. “It was only a thousand pages.” Then I gave him a coy smile. “And I really should thank you for the recommendation. I loved the book. It was so good! Y’know, I’ve always had a thing for mythology.” It was my turn to shoot him a smug look, before standing to walk away.

Before I exited, however, I couldn’t help but notice the expressions of the team. Some were impressed, others looked concerned. But what got to me most of all was the expression on Loki’s face. Offense, mixed with curiosity, confusion, and...

Fear.


	9. Out in the Field

I was stressed, to say the least. Training was rough. I had started working with weapons. Clint tried to teach me archery, and I was surprisingly good at it, though not as good as him. Nevertheless, I decided to stick to firearms.

Steve was constantly having to leave Pietro to work with me while he worked to find Bucky. School was just awful, and trying to balance homework with a super-secret spy life could get a little overwhelming. On top of all that, Loki was acting strange. Well, strang _er_.

He seemed more tentative around me, like he was still trying to formulate a plan for how to deal with me. I wasn’t sure what had brought on this sudden caution, but I was determined to eventually earn his trust.

One day, as Pietro and I were sparring, Steve and Natasha walked in. We relaxed our positions, preparing to greet the pair.

“Oh don’t stop on our account.” Natasha said, motioning for us to continue. I could tell that this situation was different than the other times they’d observed me. There was more... finality. Like this was an assessment.

Pietro attacked first, leaving me barely enough time to block his strike. As we continued on, I was struggling to hold my own. The Sokovian flashed a smirk my way as he knocked me off my feet. As I was jolted against the ground, I realized suddenly that the little cheater was using his speed against me! Granted, not his full power, otherwise I would have no chance at all, but still.

I glared at him before sweeping his legs out from under him. Before we could go any further, Steve called out to us.

“Okay, that’s enough.” He and Nat came over to help us up. “Not bad, Agent. Especially when you were up against enhancement without having yet trained for that obstacle.” He nodded to Pietro, and I realized it had been a trial run to see how I would react to the unexpected variable.

“Was this a test?”

Something in the super-soldier’s eyes changed, a nostalgic and reminiscent mood emanating from his features as I said that.

Steve turned to me. “Yes… I think you’re ready for your first field mission.” He said that, but in his eyes, I could see he thought I wasn’t ready. He knew better than anyone that my skills were more than adequate, but he also knew better than anyone how devastating the effects of bloodshed could be. Then, add my age into that equation... No.  
As my friend, he would want to keep me as far away from it as possible, but as my teammate, he knew that this was what I had signed up for. My age was one of the reasons I had been chosen.

I just nodded, and Natasha continued for him, “It won’t be anything to complicated for your first mission. I’m sure Maria will find something relatively safe.”

“Considering our line of work.” I mused.

“I did say ‘relatively’.”

Steve, looking none too happy with my joke, turned to leave. “This doesn’t mean you get out of training, Agent.” Natasha smirked and followed him out.

I locked eyes with Pietro. This was gonna be fun... Not.

 

That next Friday, as soon as I arrived, Tony dragged me to the lab to show me my own personal combat suit. It was similar to Natasha’s, but with a little Katniss Everdeen mixed in. I liked it. And, it seemed I would have an opportunity to test it out. Maria called the tower saying that there was a small force of armed individuals attacking civilians in a run-down part of the city. Nothing too dangerous, but enough for me to get my feet wet.

We didn’t need the full team for this little excursion, just a few people who could keep me safe if things did go south. So the Quinjet was loaded with Steve, Nat, Wanda, Tony, and me. When we arrived, bullets were flying everywhere. Steve shouted orders, and the attackers were quickly dispatched. I didn’t wind up doing much, but honestly, I didn’t mind. It was more than enough for my first time in the field.

There was some wreckage and a few overturned cars from the explosions and bullets, so we split up to search for injured civilians. Natasha and Steve went off one way while Tony and FRIDAY checked for life signs from the sky. Wanda and I made our way around, hoping not to have to pull any bodies out of the debris.

I climbed over a bit of rubble, searching behind a car that had been flipped on its side. Wanda followed me closely, ever so cautious. We found nothing, and turned to head back, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement reflecting in the semi-shattered windshield of the vehicle.

“Wanda!” I shouted. I threw myself toward her, deducing that she would be the target. Pain exploded in my left shoulder as we tumbled to the ground. Through the comms, I could hear Steve calling for the shooter to be taken out.

For a moment, everything was just a blur.The Iron Man repulsors firing. Wanda pulling me into a sitting position as she called for help. Natasha appeared and was saying something about me going into shock. Someone said they needed to get me to the jet and back to the tower.

I was snapped back into reality when I was pulled to my feet. I let out a gasp of pain, and Wanda muttered words of apology. Breathing heavily as we staggered towards our transportation, I managed to get out a comment.

“Can’t say that... I’ve ever been shot before... Not the most pleasant experience though is it? Gah! One out of one... high school SHIELD agents... would _not_ recommend.”

“Glad to know you’ve still got your sense of humor, Sherlock.” said Tony as I was sat down. Natasha pulled out a medical kit and put pressure on the wound, eliciting another pain-filled exclamation from me.

I honestly don’t remember the ride back to the Tower. All I know was that I woke up in a medical room with a pain in my shoulder that was worse than the time I dislocated my knee.

The other Avengers were in and out, but by Saturday night, I was cleared by Doctor Cho. Steve called a team meeting and dread filled my stomach as the Captain paced while the team sat around the table.

“Obviously, we misjudged both the situation and Agent Grace’s capabilities. We need to take it easy for a bit while-”

“While what, Steve?” I interrupted, irritated that he was doubting me.

“People like those terrorists aren’t going to sit around and think about how they can make these fights easier so I can get some target practice! These people want to kill us. That’s a risk that I agreed to, a risk that we all take when we suit up. People like HYDRA aren’t going to just prop their feet up and watch the show!”

He looked somewhat startled that I was challenging him, but he came back at me anyway.

“This isn’t about taking shots at people for fun, Agent.” he spat, leaning on the table. “Maybe you need to get your priorities sorted if you can only see our enemies as moving targets.”

I huffed, thoroughly irritated.

“This isn’t about killing for sport Steve. Don’t you dare accuse me of that. I just don’t like bullies. It don’t care who they think they are.” He looked a little caught off guard at that remark, but I pressed on. “You need me. I look at things differently than any of you, and I bring to the table what HYDRA can’t.”

“That’s aside from the point, Agent. You were injured yesterday because we sent you into the field while you were still unprepared. We won’t be making that mistake again anytime soon.” He sat heavily in his chair, running his hand down his face in frustration.

It was my turn to stand, minding the annoying sling my arm was in.

“No, _Captain_. I got shot because I was prepared. I knew exactly what I was doing, and I-” I stopped, not wanting to receive attention for what I’d done. Wanda, however, had other plans. She put a comforting hand on my good arm and rose to get everyone’s attention.

“Kaitlynn saved my life. She saw the gunman when I didn’t, and somehow she knew that he would go for me. I don’t know how she did it, but if it she hadn’t been there, I’d be dead.”

All eyes were on me, Pietro’s glistening with tears at the realization that he could have lost his sister. I nervously cleared my throat.

“I... I saw the shooter’s reflection in the windshield of the car. I knew he would go for Wanda because she’s more important... A more well-known Avenger. I just did what had to be done.” I looked at the table, feeling the heat of everyone’s gaze. I swallowed nervously.

“I have to go take my pain meds.” I excused myself, retreating to my room.


	10. Merry Christmas, Agent Grace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a Christmas chapter... It was that time of year when I wrote this, so just bear with me. It's mostly filler, relationship establishment between Kaitlynn and Steve.

Well, it wasn’t too hard to cover up my injury. I just made up some lame excuse about dislocating my shoulder while I was messing around with my cousins. In other news, I was going to be spending Christmas with the Avengers. I finished up finals and immediately headed to the tower. I then started worrying about what I would get everyone, but Steve assured me that I didn’t have to do anything, seeing as I hadn’t had much time to plan. I still felt guilty, so I thought I’d at least do something for Steve. I needed to talk to Maria...

Before I knew it, it was Christmas Eve, and for once, the whole team was together. That’s right; Sam, Rhodey, Tony, Bruce, Nat, Vision, Wanda, Pietro, Steve, Thor, Maria and I, all sitting around Tony’s mega-tree. Even Loki was there, sitting grumpily in the background. Jane and Pepper had joined us as well.

I’m sure Tony would have invited half of New York for a celebration, but thankfully, Fury had set down a “No-Partying-While-Kaitlynn-Is-Present” rule when I had first joined the team. So, he settled for a more homely gathering.

There was a brief exchanging of gifts (making me feel guilty once again, especially since Tony got me a box set of every show I had ever shown interest in and Wanda got me a necklace with a stone that matched her red telekinetic energy), and then we broke off into smaller groups to chat. I pulled Steve aside, handing him a small, red-white-and-blue wrapped box.

He chuckled at my decorative choice, before reverently unwrapping it.

“I told you, you didn’t have to get anything for anyone, least of all me.”

I laughed lightly before replying, “I didn’t _have_ to, but I wanted to. It is _Christmas_ , after all.” I grew serious. “Besides, after all you’ve done for me, of course I’d jump at the chance to do something nice for you _one day_ of the year.”

He grinned, about to reply, when he opened the box. His face softened, his words died in his mouth. He reached into the box and pulled out my gift.

“My compass...” he breathed, looking at me with emotion filled eyes. “Where-- How did you-?”

“I called in a favor from Maria. Oh, I suppose I owe her one now... But anyway, she managed to dig it out of SHIELD’s archives, and then I had it polished and cleaned up a bit for you.” I hesitated. “Do you... do you like it?”

Steve didn’t reply right away. He opened the compass, and smiled sadly at the picture inside. Then, he looked up at me gratefully before pulling me into a hug.

“It’s perfect, kid.” he said softly. “Thank you.”

“Merry Christmas, Steve.”

“Merry Christmas, Kaitlynn.”


	11. What Would You Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here comes the actual intro to the plot! This is the tenth chapter out of the eighteen total that I've written so far. I'm updating slowly but surely! Thanks for reading ^_^
> 
> Also, I used Google Translate for the Russian, it may or may not be accurate.

My name is Kaitlynn Marie Grace. At least, that’s who I used to be. They say that I no longer have any need for a name. Not that kind of name, anyways. At first they said I was their “Final Experiment.” Now they call me the White Witch.

Yes, like from Narnia. A 70 year-old Nazi terrorist organization and they’re copy-catting C.S. Lewis. It’s ridiculous, I know.

It has been five months, now. Five months that I’ve been rotting here, watching my soul wither away as they mold me to their will. I went with them in an attempt to save the world, as a sacrifice to save my friend. Now though, I am losing myself in this great lie. Each decision becomes more and more questionable, each deception more believable. If the Avengers don’t find me soon, they may find me a much different person than that little girl they trained.

My name can no longer be Kaitlynn Marie Grace, because I have transformed into someone unrecognizable, even to myself. I have no name any more.

At least, not yet.

You’re probably wondering what on earth I’m talking about, and how all of this came about. Unfortunately, the answer is not that simple.

_~Five Months Ago~_

“Hey old man.” I smirked, popping up beside Clint in his hiding spot in the vents.

He jumped, clutching at his heart in over-exaggerated surprise. “Jeesh, kid. You move quieter than Nat sometimes.”

I chuckled. “So, who are we stalking today?” I asked, peering through the vent’s large opening. Steve and Natasha were in the meeting room looking over some data. From where I was, I could make out a few blurry pictures that looked strangely familiar.

I sighed. It seemed that every time we came closer to finding Bucky, he had already changed locations. I wanted so badly to help, but Steve wasn’t letting me anywhere near his former best friend.

Clint nudged me with his shoulder. “Hey, don’t worry about it, kiddo. It’ll turn out alright. I’ve been in this business long enough to know that.” I just nodded.

Later, I was training by myself when FRIDAY alerted me that I needed to suit up for a mission. The small group consisted of Wanda-who had hardly left my side since the _incident_ , Nat, and I. A girls’ day out, I suppose.There was an illegal arms deal going down in New Mexico, close to where Thor first visited Earth, and we were out to stop them. Simple, right? That’s what we thought.

 

The jet touched down on top of a roof about ten blocks away from where the deal was taking place. We arrived at the location shortly after, Natasha assigning each of us a vantage point. Wanda took the entrance on the north side, I took the one on the south side, and Natasha was covering us from the catwalk.

I had a pretty good view from where I was hiding behind a stack of crates. The lead dealer was speaking in some foreign language that I didn’t recognize, probably haggling with his buyer. We were just getting ready to move in when everything went downhill.

Black-clad figures descended from the rafters, and the arms dealers immediately packed up. Whatever gang they were selling to also hurried to evacuate. The dealers, however, appeared to be with the men in black. Dread bubbled in the pit of my stomach as my deductions came to light. HYDRA was here.

Another deduction: They weren’t here for us. They would have tried to take down Natasha first. Which could only mean... _He_ was here. We weren’t the only ones looking for James Buchanan Barnes. HYDRA wanted the Winter Soldier, either to kill him or to brainwash him again. It didn’t matter, because there was no way I was letting them anywhere near him again.

“Nat, I’m on the move, on alert for our Missing Person.” I hissed through the comm as I took off running. I exited the warehouse, desperately trying to deduce where he would be. I knew he would have bolted as soon as he thought he was in danger.

“Agent Grace, you are to maintain your position. Do not pursue, I repeat, do _not_ pursue! Wait for backup.” Nat ordered. But I knew I couldn’t wait or I would lose him. There! I saw a flash of dark hair around the corner.

“I’m already in pursuit, Romanoff. With intent to engage, non-hostile.”

“Negative, do not engage. That’s an order, Agent. Return to the rendezvous immediately. I repeat-” I yanked the device from my ear and threw it to the ground.

Suddenly, I was harshly yanked aside by the arm and slammed against a wall in an alley. Lifeless eyes stared into mine, boring into my soul, and a cold, metal hand wrapped around my throat.

“Не сделать звук.” came the a gravelly voice. My heart was pounding; I could hear my blood rushing in my ears as adrenaline shot through my system.

“I-I-” I choked as he tightened his grasp around my throat. “I don’t speak Russian... I just- just want to talk to you!” His glare cut deeper, and I could barely breathe. “I know the man on the bridge!” I gasped.

He relaxed his grip but didn’t let me go. I thought I saw a spark of something in his eyes, so I decided to take a chance. “Bucky?”

There was the whole choking thing again.

“Кто ты?” he growled.

“I-” I gagged on my words.

He rolled his eyes, frustrated at my inability to communicate.

“I said, _who are you_?” he repeated in English, relaxing only enough so I could breathe.

“I’m not here to... hurt you.” I panted. “I know Steve... He’s been looking for you. He-- wants to help you.”

Bucky’s eyes seemed to grow sadder. “He can’t help me... He doesn’t know the man I’ve become...”

“But he wants to...” The icy glare was back. “H-He’s not the same either, you know.” His grip relaxed once more.

Then, it was like I was having deja vu. I saw the red dot and acted on instinct, kicking off of the wall to shove us both down to the ground. I heard the gun go off, and felt the unthinkable pain for the second time in my life, this time in my lower abdomen. Bucky pulled a pistol from his belt and fired a single shot, taking down the assailant.

My breathing shallowed and became more rapid. I tried to calm myself down, but it was too late. I could hear a ringing in my ears, and I could faintly hear someone murmuring in Russian as the world faded to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Russian Translations:  
> Не сделать звук. - Do not make a sound.  
> Кто ты? - Who are you?


	12. To Save a Life

I woke up feeling like I’d been hit in the back with a sledgehammer. I opened my eyes to see a dirty, dimly lit room, bare of any furniture except a small stool occupied by the lurking presence of the Winter Soldier. The ground was cold beneath my back, despite the thin blanket which I lay on. Another thin sheet covered my small, blood-soaked form. My uniform top was gone, leaving me in my athletic tank top and cargo pants, along with some sort of a makeshift bandage over my abdomen.

The runaway assassin was very professional as he handed me a small canteen, and helped me to slowly take a drink. Every small movement increased the pounding pain that was shooting through my body, and I whimpered slightly as he lifted my shirt and peeled away the bandages to survey the damage. He shot me an apologetic look, though he was surprisingly gentle about his movements.

“I’m sorry.” he muttered. “I don’t have anything to dull the pain.”

Breathing deeply, I pushed through my discomfort. “It’s fine. You saved my life, after all. What more could I ask of you?”

He gave me a strange look. “ _You_ saved _me_.” Then, curiously, “Why?”

Now I was confused. “Well... why not? You’re my friend’s best friend. Well, you were. I mean, whatever the case, you still mean a lot to him, and I wasn’t just gonna sit by and let him lose you again on my watch.”

He didn’t seem to know how to respond, so he reverted back to his business-like manner, resuming his duty as my doctor. He muttered something to himself in Russian, then to me said, “This could get infected. You need a hospital.”

I let out an agonized laugh. “Where are we gonna go? We’ve got HYDRA on our tails, and you’re technically a wanted man, so a civilian hospital is out of the question, and you don’t want to go to SHIELD. That doesn’t leave many options.”

His dark gaze snapped to meet mine. “How do you know I won’t go to SHIELD?”

I chuckled again.

_I think the pain is making me loopy..._

“If you wanted their help, you would have found Steve already. You were still in the middle of your identity crisis. You couldn’t ask the Avengers to try to figure out who you were until you knew for sure yourself. Plus, up until a few months ago, HYDRA _was_ SHIELD. How could you trust any of them?”

If he was impressed my deductions, he didn’t show it. He just nodded silently, staring into space.

“What’s your name?” he asked, turning to face me. “I haven’t had the chance to ask...” I gave a small smile.

“Kaitlynn Marie Grace, pleased to meet you.” I weakly held out my hand. After a slight hesitation, Bucky tentatively shook it.

“Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. Well, what’s left of him, anyways.”

“Pleased to meet you.” I smirked. Then, growing serious, I had a sudden thought. “Where are we? We probably shouldn’t stay here too long. HYDRA will be hot on our trail.”

He frowned. “You’re not going anywhere with that wound. You need to rest. They’d just as soon catch us if we were slow and on the move or if we stayed here.” That didn’t quite sit right with me, but I let it go anyway. Seeing my malcontent, he added, “But as soon as you’re fit to travel... we can head to New York.”

I leaned forward slightly to look at him, wincing at the small movement. “What?”

He sighed. “I think it’s about time I decided to face my past. I need to get you back to the Avengers anyway, so I might as well show myself. It had to happen sooner or later, and this just gives me the motivation to do what needs to be done.” I didn’t know how to respond, so I just nodded.

I could see in his eyes, though he tried to hide it, he was scared. Scared of how his best friend would react to this person he had become. Scared of letting himself be exposed again.

Snapping out of his talkative mood, he stood up and started out the door. “Get some rest. I’ll keep watch.” Then he was gone and I was left alone in the chilly room with aching tremors shooting throughout my whole body.

As I lay there hoping for sleep to come, I wondered how the team was doing, whether or not they were worried for me, if they were searching for me... Steve was probably having a panic attack while putting on a strong front for the others. Tony might make a joke to cover up how concerned he really was. Nat would be uptight but determined. Eventually, my mind shut down and I drifted off, dreaming of my friends, both old and new.

 

I woke up burning hot. My head was pounding and I was drenched in sweat. Bucky, who must have returned sometime earlier, was at my side, patting my forehead with a cool cloth.

“Я боялся этого...”he muttered. “It’s infected. I have to get you to the Avengers as soon as possible. We need to move now.”

Breathing heavily, I nodded and weakly (painfully) pulled myself into a sitting position. “I’ll be fine. Let’s go.” He shoved any loose gear into a backpack that I hadn’t noticed before, then put his metal arm around my waist to help support me as I struggled to get up.

We slowly made our way out of the building, trying to be as inconspicuous as we could. Bucky found a car to steal--sorry _borrow_ \--and we were off. He dutifully drove for nine hours straight, landing us in Oakhurst, Oklahoma to hide out for the night.

The next morning, we started back out on the road. I was still deliriously sick, but stopping was not an option. We had only been driving for a couple hours when Bucky suddenly stiffened, tightening his grip on the wheel. I was immediately on alert.

“What’s wrong?” I questioned urgently.

“We’re being followed.” he growled.

I glanced in the mirror and sure enough, we had more than one suspicious vehicle closely following ours.

“We can’t have a firefight here, there are civilians everywhere! And HYDRA’s not gonna care if they cause a little collateral damage.” At least I was lucid enough to realize that we were endangering innocent people.

“Hang on.” Bucky slammed his foot down on the gas pedal and we shot forward. The HYDRA transports followed suit. He maneuvered us around other cars, receiving many honks and outraged shouts. Once we were mostly clear of people, he started making more dangerous moves, taking sharp corners and tight back roads.

“Okay...” he started, narrowly missing a building. “I have a really bad idea...” I didn’t hesitate to reply.

“Do it.”

We were coming up on an overpassing bridge. As the car started onto it, Bucky undid both of our seat belts, yanked the steering wheel sharply to the right, and pulled us both our of the driver’s door onto the pavement. The ‘borrowed’ car zoomed off of the bridge and went up in an orange eruption below.

Tires were squealing. People were panicking. But we couldn’t worry about that now. Bucky pulled me up onto his back and then nearly gave me a heart attack when he jumped off the bridge and took off running towards the cover of the city. He found us a vantage point in an alley and we watched as HYDRA’s vehicles pulled up at the wreckage.

Panting heavily, I leaned against the wall, the cold stone doing nothing to soothe my raging fever. Bucky sympathetically laid a hand on my back. He was just about to say something when suddenly a shout rang out from the site of the wreckage.

“Soldier! I’m here to offer you a deal.” A tough-looking woman with brown hair and a jagged scar on her cheek was standing on the corner of the street, scanning the surrounding buildings for Bucky.

“If you surrender yourself peacefully, we will not kill you. We will not kill any civilians.” A few of their thugs dragged some bystanders forward, shoving them to their knees and putting guns to their heads.

“We will give you five minutes to think about our proposal. Then, we start dropping bodies.”

We ducked back into the alley, exchanging worried looks.

“Hey, they don’t know I’m with you... That gives us an advantage.” I muttered mostly to myself.

Bucky grabbed me by the shoulders. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but stop. You have a fever. You’re delirious. Don’t do anything stupid.”

I rolled my eyes and gave a grimacing smirk. “I think it’s my turn to come up with a really bad idea.” I ripped off the necklace that I was wearing, the one Wanda had given me for Christmas.

“The Avengers will have been alerted to the situation by now. They’ll be here soon.” I held the chain out to him, the red gem in the center of the metal teardrop shape gleaming in the dim alley light.

“Take this and give it to whoever comes. Tell them what happened.” He accepted it, but was thoroughly confused.

“But what-?”

“Just promise me!” I interrupted. “Promise me that no matter what happens, you won’t think any differently of me. You’ll stay hidden, find Steve.” I paused. “And you’ll come for me.”

He put a hand on my shoulder again, looking deeply into my eyes. “What are you going to do?” I didn’t answer. My breathing picked up pace, and I knew he could tell I was scared.

“Please, James,” I used his name to stress how important this was. “Please, just promise me.”

His gaze softened. “Okay.”  I moved to exit the alley, but he stopped me. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” I nodded. “Please be safe.” he whispered. “I can’t watch them destroy anyone else’s life.”

“I can’t guarantee anything.” I said. Then, in a feverish (ha) burst of strength, I pushed past him into the sight of the HYDRA crew. The burning pain in my abdomen demanded attention, but I put my hands in the air instead, conveying my surrender. Multiple guns were immediately pointed in my direction.

 _You’re an actor._ I breathed deeply. _You can do this._ I put on a confident smirk and continued making my way toward them.

“I’m afraid the man you’re looking for isn’t here.” I called.

“Then where is he?” the woman demanded.

“Forget him.” I put a commanding air in my tone. “I’m the one you want. In fact, _I’ve_ been looking for _you_.”

They all seemed confused, or amused.

“Oh?”

“You have something I want. So I’ve come to bargain to get it.” I came to a stop a few feet away from the line of hostages.

“And what would that be?”

“Power.” I shrugged casually. “I’ve seen what you did for the Maximoff twins. I want that too. They were foolish to leave. They could have done great things, but instead, they had to get all buddy-buddy with the Avengers...” I sighed.

The woman narrowed her eyes at me. She wasn’t quite buying it.

“What’s your name?”

There was no way I was going to endanger my friends and family, so I said, “Stark. My name is Christine Marie Stark.” Was it a risky move? Probably. But I felt it was the right thing to say. I could make them think they had emotional leverage over Tony, and use their trust to my advantage.

“I know, I know. You’re all wondering, ‘Why have we never heard of you?’ Honestly, _dear old dad_ didn’t even know until quite recently. Oh, ‘But why would you, of all people, want to join HYDRA?’ Because Tony is a lousy father. I would do anything just to spite him. I think you lot are the only ones who hate him more than I do.”

That seemed to reassure them somewhat. Then, the woman spoke up again.

“But what about the Winter Soldier?”

I shrugged. “What about him? I haven’t seen him since New Mexico. He jumped ship after one of your guys shot me.” I sent out a glare that wasn’t quite fake. “I was _this_ close to neutralizing him, then some lousy-shot sniper nearly took me out.” I pulled up my shirt just enough that they could see the damage.

At this point, I was surprised that I was still standing. This fever was really starting to get on my nerves. But I powered through, for Bucky.

“I was planning on bringing him to you--dead or alive--as a sort of... down payment of my loyalty.”

She thought about this for a bit, then came forward.

“You can still prove your loyalty.” she said, holding a pistol out to me. I gave her a questioning look, though still maintaining my calm facade. She motioned to one of the hostages with her head and held the gun out to me again. The poor man looked terrified.

Inside, I was horrified, but outside, I pretended to laugh. “I thought you said no hostages would die?”

She smiled back. “It was also understood that we were hunting the Winter Soldier, not Stark’s treacherous spawn.”

I knew I couldn’t hesitate, otherwise this whole charade would be over.

_Please don’t hate me, James..._

I took the gun and immediately fired it, my hands not even shaking.  My cold demeanor never faltered as the body slumped to the pavement. The woman nodded, seemingly pleased with my work. I tossed the pistol back to her, and I could hear sirens in the distance as she turned to walk away.

“Move out!” she called. The remaining hostages were shoved to the ground as the agents retreated. They surrounded me as we walked away, sort of accepting me into their ranks. As we drove away, I wasn’t even worried about the fact that I had basically sold my soul to the group that my friends tried so hard to stop. All I could think about was the man I had killed and the look of terror forever frozen on his face as his blood leaked onto the pavement like a crimson stain on my soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Russian Translations  
> Я боялся этого... - I was afraid of this...


	13. To Save the World

_~Bucky’s POV~_

_This was a huge mistake._ I thought as she left with them. How could I just deliver an innocent kid into the hands of those monsters? I was too concerned with getting away from them to think about keeping _them_ away from _her_. I tensed as I heard the sound of jet engines.

“ _Promise me, James.”_

I heard her voice in my head. The voice of the girl who wasn’t afraid of me, even though she knew nothing about me. Even though I had nearly strangled her. She joked with me and treated me like a normal person, called me James. She didn’t walk on eggshells around me. I had only known her for less than two days, yet I already felt protective of her. She was the first real friend I’d had in the 21st century, and I was going to do anything in my power to save her from HYDRA.

I followed the mechanical noise until I saw the aircraft land. The back hatch opened, and... It was him. The man on the bridge. Steve. My... best friend. My worst fear was to see the disappointment in his eyes when he realized what I’d become. But I had to. I needed their help to find her.

The red haired woman and the man with metal wings were there too. There was also a man with a bow that I didn’t recognize. I just hoped that none of them would shoot me on sight. I doubted Steve would allow that, but then again...

_“He’s not the same either, you know.”_

I moved slowly in an attempt to avoid startling them. The woman noticed me immediately, reflexively pointing her pistols at me. I raised my hands in surrender.

“Я не ищет боя. Я здесь от имени общего друга.”I said, holding up Kaitlynn’s necklace. I had the whole group’s attention now, though I could tell that only the woman had understood my words.

Steve cautiously moved towards me. “Bucky?”

I gave him a guilty look. “Steve.” His whole demeanor changed. I could tell he wasn’t sure how to react, but we didn’t have time for this.

“Sorry, but your questions are gonna have to wait.” I took a deep breath. “HYDRA took Kaitlynn.”

“What?” the archer demanded, stepping towards me. ‘What do you mean ‘HYDRA took Kaitlynn'? They didn’t take you! How’d you get her necklace, huh? You pull it off her body or something?”

“Clint!” Steve snapped at the man.

_That must be his name._

Steve looked toward me now. “Buck...” He seemed hesitant, as if he didn’t want me to suddenly take off running. “If you want, you can come back to New York with us and we can get things sorted out there.”

I opened my mouth to reply, but was cut off by Clint.

“You mean after we’ve done a thorough search for Kaitlynn.” he glared at Steve.

“That won’t do any good.” I growled. “She’s gone, don’t you get it? They took her.” Then I sighed. “Look, I know you have no reason to trust me, but you’re going to have to. Kaitlynn gave me this...” I held up the necklace, “and told me to explain things to whoever came here looking for her. So, you can either waste time looking for her here, or you can take me to New York and actually do something productive by helping me look for her where it really counts.”

Steve seemed surprised by my protectiveness of her, but he didn’t make a remark about it. The archer was still distrustful, but I had appealed to his desire to keep Kaitlynn safe. The woman turned back towards the jet.

“Come on then.” she said. “Looks like we’ve got no time to lose.”

_~Present Day, Kaitlynn's POV~_

I underestimated HYDRA, and look where it landed me. I was stupid to think that I could lie to them, that they wouldn’t find out. Now my only hope is the team that I left behind. The team… what will they think when they see me? They’ll have to either save me… or be killed by me. And to be honest, at this point I’m not sure which option would be better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Russian Translations  
> Я не ищет боя. Я здесь от имени общего друга. - I'm not looking for a fight. I'm here on behalf of a mutual friend.


	14. Look at Me Now

_~No One’s POV~_

“Five months.” Tony growled, pounding his fist on the lab table. “Kaitlynn’s been missing for five months, and we still have no leads on where she could be.”

He ran a hand over his face in frustration. How could he have let this happen? He should have known that having a teenager on the team was a bad idea. Now, tensions were high as everyone gradually lost hope that they would see their girl again. Even Loki seemed at least mildly worried, though he never dared to say so. He only ever offered his usual sarcastic remarks.

The twins were taking it the worst, by far. They had come to see Kaitlynn as a sister, a part of their small family, and losing her was almost as bad as losing each other. Though they were distressed, they never gave up hope.

Bucky was a close second, but he set aside his emotions and took on an air of professionalism. He was determined to tear HYDRA apart at the roots while saving her.

Clint was worried sick. He basically considered Kaitlynn his daughter, and it was tearing him apart to know that she was in the hands of their cruelest enemy. Pietro and Wanda had told him of the horrors they had experienced due to HYDRA. Who knew what kind of torture they were putting Kaitlynn through?

There was one common fear among the group, however. Everyone knew how the organization had done to Bucky; how they had brainwashed him to the point of nearly killing his best friend. To say they were worried would be an understatement. They would be devastated if they showed up to rescue their team member, only to find that she was no longer on their side.

“Tony!” Bruce called. “We’ve got HYDRA activity less than two miles from where Kaitlynn went missing.” He grew serious. “I think this may be it.”

The reaction was instantaneous. Not a single Avenger was left in the tower. Even Loki was dragged along. They were all eager to seek any clues pertaining to the whereabouts of their youngest member, even the reluctant demigod.

 

She was waiting for them when they arrived. Clad in all black, she was flanked by a squadron of HYDRA operatives. Black gloves covered her hands to the elbows. The team felt their hearts drop to their stomachs as they took in her defensive appearance.

It was obvious that she had been experimented on. Her skin was so pale that it almost had a pearlescent tone. Her hair was whiter than freshly fallen snow and had just a hint of wintry, crystalline glimmers sparkling among the strands. The most drastic change, though, had to be in her eyes. They were now an icy blue--a sharp contrast from their original brown--and they were lifeless. Not a flicker of recognition glowed in their depths.

Both sides slowly approached each other, though still leaving a fair amount of distance between them. Tony took a breath, as if to call out to her, but Bucky put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

“She gave them a fake name, remember?" he reminded. “Besides, if they’ve wiped her, it won’t make a difference what we call her anyway.”

Even so, he turned back to the girl who’d saved his life.

“Christine!” he shouted.

Her gaze shifted to him, but there was no emotion.

“Come on kid, I know you feel that somethin’s familiar about us. Trust me, I’ve been where you are. I understand that what’s happening right now might be confusing, but we can help.”

Her mask faltered for a second.

“James?” she asked hesitantly.

He gave a small smile.

“Yes! Yeah, that’s me kid.”

She slowly stalked toward him. He took a step forward as well, closing the gap between them until they were face to face.

His instincts couldn’t have prepared him for what happened next. Smoothly flipping her gun out of its holster, she aimed the weapon at his head.

“I know who you are, Barnes,” she said, her voice eerily calm. “I never forgot. The question is, do you know who I really am?”

She spoke evenly, yet still loud enough that both sides could hear.

Then, dropping to a lower tone, she whispered, “Помнишь, что ты обещал мне, Джеймс.”

He nearly missed what she said. Bucky was somewhat caught off guard by the fact that a girl who only knew a couple phrases in Spanish was speaking fluent Russian. Even so, he decided to trust her. It might have been a bad idea, and maybe his instincts were screaming at him to fight, but underneath all of that, he still chose to see the kid who took a bullet for him.

Maintaining her harsh demeanor, Kaitlynn commanded, “Come along peacefully, Soldier, and there will be no need for your teammates to die.”

Frowning in confusion, Bucky shook his head.

“They’re your teammates too, Kaitlynn.” he whispered, hoping to snap her out of whatever control she was under.

In response, she simply cocked the pistol.

“You don’t have to do this!” Wanda cried out.

“We can help you…” Pietro added pleadingly.

Kaitlynn didn’t spare a glance at either of them, opting instead to continue glaring at Bucky.

“It’s your choice, Soldier.”

There was a pause.

_Promise me that no matter what happens, you won’t think any differently of me._

Her words rang through his head.

“Okay.”

“Bucky, no!” Steve called. “You can’t go back to them…”

“I have to.”

Even he was surprised at how calm he sounded. Just the memory of their torturous disciplines made him want to run for the hills, but he had a promise to keep.

“Let’s go,” he addressed Kaitlynn.

Keeping her gun trained on him, she escorted him back toward the HYDRA agents,

As one of the thugs moved behind Bucky to restrain him, Kaitlynn looked him dead in the eye, giving him a knowing smile. For the first time since they’d reunited, he saw life in her eyes again.

“Get down,” she commanded quickly. Immediately, he dropped to the ground, only rising to take down two of the agents as Kaitlynn’s gun went off. The squad leader instantly panicked, shouting orders to his men in German.

Chaos broke out. The Avengers jumped into the fray, quickly taking out most of the opposing agents right away.

As the enemy’s number decreased, the group began to take notice of an intense struggle between Kaitlynn and an official-looking HYDRA thug. She was shouting at him, in Russian, which no one understood but Nat and Bucky. The twins caught a few words here and there, but were still just as confused as everyone else.

Suddenly, Kaitlynn pulled a twist-flip move that looked more complicated than what any of them had seen Natasha do, efficiently disarming the man and driving him to his knees. In the fray, one of Kaitlynn’s gloves had come off. She took hold of the man’s collar, glaring at him so venomously that even some of the Avengers recoiled.

“Don’t worry,” she spat. “The pain will only make you stronger.”

Fueled by rage, she viciously pressed her uncovered hand against the man’s heart.

He began to convulse, his face draining of color. Eventually, his breathing stopped and Kaitlynn  threw the body to the ground.

“Если вы живете, то есть.”

She turned to face the Avengers when suddenly, a gun went off. The teen clutched her side, but her face displayed only mild annoyance. Quickly, she drew a knife from her belt, landing it in the throat of the stray agent who’d shot her.

Kaitlynn limped over to the team.

Nodding her head at the jet, she said, “Let’s go, shall we?”

Once they were airborne, she searched around until she found the first aid kit. Flopping down on one of the seats, oblivious to the team’s stares, she pulled up her shirt to begin examining her wound. She opened the kit and chuckled upon seeing a bottle of vodka.

“Whose idea was this?” she asked, holding it up. “Was it you, Nat?’

Using her teeth, she pulled off the remaining glove and laid it in her lap. After removing the stopper, she poured a good portion of the liquid over her wound. She then raised the bottle to her lips, but before she could take a sip, Natasha darted forward and snatched it from her.

Kaitlynn shot her a dark glare. If looks could kill… Nat would not be in great shape right now.

“You’re underage.” was all the spy said.

Kaitlynn rolled her eyes.

“Whatever.”

Angrily, she snatched up a needle and began to sew up her side. The team watched in morbid fascination while she didn’t flinch once as the needle pierced her skin.

Tony, who had long since put FRIDAY in control of the jet, finally voiced the question that had been burning in all of their minds since they had first seen her again.

“What did they do to you…”

It came out as more of an involuntary statement rather than a question.

Kaitlynn didn’t look up from her stitching.

“You don’t wanna know. It’ll only upset you.”

She finished up and slid her glove back on before packing the kit away. However, Natasha noticed, she only used the hand that was covered.

“You’re enhanced,” the redhead stated.

Kaitlynn’s nonchalant facade faltered for a split second. She busied herself with readjusting her clothes, avoiding eye contact with everyone.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes,you do.”

Wanda stepped forward, eyes flashing red.

“You’re just scared. But you don’t have to do this alone,” she pleaded. “We can help you, if you let us.”

She reached out to touch Kaitlynn’s bare arm, but before she could make contact, the girl recoiled as if she’d been burned.

“Don’t touch me,” she snapped.

Just then, FRIDAY alerted them all that they had arrived. As soon as the back hatch was open, Kaitlynn jumped up and headed into the tower.

Suddenly however, she was stopped by a hand on her elbow. Loki had grabbed ahold of her gloveless wrist. Kaitlynn froze, gasping in shock. Loki frowned, staring in confusion at his hand--which was now turning blue.

Kaitlynn had started trembling, fixated on the point where their flesh connected. She quickly jerked her arm out of his hold, fearfully backing away from the team. Shaking her head, she looked at each of them with tears in her eyes before turning and running towards what used to be her room.

The Avengers stood exchanging confused glances. Loki was left staring at the receding color on his skin.

What could this mean?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Russian Translations  
> Помнишь, что ты обещал мне, Джеймс. - Remember what you promised me, James.  
> Если вы живете, то есть. - If you live, that is.


	15. Like it or Not

_~Kaitlynn’s POV~_

When I arrived at my door, it felt strange, almost foreign after all this time. I reached for the handle, but stopped short when I noticed my gloveless hand.

“FRIDAY?” I called shakily. “Can you open the door for me?”

“I’m sorry, miss,” she responded immediately, “But Mr. Stark and the other Avengers would like to speak with you first. I’ve been given orders not to allow you into your room until otherwise commanded by Mr. Stark or Captain Rogers.”

“UGH!” I growled in frustration. They didn’t understand… I was already ashamed of what I’d become. Why couldn’t they see that I was trying to protect them, trying to shield them from the knowledge of the monster that lurked beneath the facade of a young girl?

Fine. If they want a conversation, then a conversation is what they’ll get. And if they don’t like the answers I give… Then that’s what they get for asking questions.

Rolling my eyes, I shoved my uncovered hand into my pocket and headed toward the meeting room.

“Well, I’m here--unwillingly, I might add, so ask your freaking questions so I can get a head start on the inevitable solitary confinement.” I snapped in irritation. Internally, I was amused by their baffled expressions.

Clint stepped forward, almost pleading with me. “Kaitlynn, please, we just want to help. We want to understand…”

“Yeah, well you can’t. None of you could ever possibly understand, because none of you ever experienced the exact same scenario as me. Oh sure, some of you may have _similar_ stories, but there are always… variables. So don’t even try.” I shrugged nonchalantly as I found an empty seat, ignoring the concern in their eyes. If I distanced myself from them, this whole ordeal would be so much easier for everyone.

“So? You dragged me in here, go ahead. Ask away. Though I can’t guarantee that the answers will make you feel any better.”

“Will you answer honestly?” Natasha asked.

“Meh, I might. Depends on the question. Depends on my mood.”

Wanda’s face showed hurt and betrayal as she moved closer to Pietro for comfort, but I pushed my emotions aside, plastering a careless smirk on my face.

Exchanging a glance with Tony, Steve looked back to me.

“What are your enhancements?”

“None.” I kicked my feet up on the table, leaning back in the chair.

“What?” Steve frowned. “But you’ve obviously--”

“It’s not a lie, I haven’t been enhanced.” I cut him off, pouring as much sincerity into my tone as I could. The others were all confused, but I didn’t want to elaborate until I absolutely had to.

“Are all your memories in tact?” Bucky’s monotone came quietly from the back.

I laughed humorlessly. “Depends on your definition of intact. Though, if I’m thinking what you’re thinking, then yeah, I’m fine.”

“If you aren’t enhanced, then how did you…” Wanda began, bringing the topic back to its original subject, “What you did to that man… I’ve never seen anything like it before. And then, with Loki… His skin…”

“Hmmm…” I drawled thoughtfully. “Magic.” I declared with a sarcastic smirk, taking my feet down and leaning forward. “Look, it really doesn’t matter. All you need to know--and all I’m gonna tell you--is this: HYDRA held me prisoner, I did some stuff, they did some stuff, you guys found me before I did any more stuff--the end.” I stood, prepared to march out.

“Why’d you give them my name as yours?” Tony called.

I turned to face him. They were all really getting on my nerves… I guess they were going to get a small taste of my HYDRA temperament.

“I needed a good cover. Oh don’t get a big head, you were just the most believable. I mean, come on. If one of the Avengers has a bitter kid, realistically, it’s gonna be you. We all know your reputation. It wasn’t even that long ago that Pepper was chasing girls out of your house. HYDRA bought it, so I sold it.”

Tony’s face briefly registered shock and hurt before morphing into confusion.

“Kaitlynn--” Clint started.

I cut him off with a laugh. “Please, Kaitlynn Grace is dead. HYDRA made sure of that. They found out soon enough that Tin Man over there wasn’t my dad and decided that as a punishment, my _real_ parents should be eliminated.” I paused, taking in their shocked expressions. “Oh, so you didn’t know? Well that’s fine by me. I don’t care. It doesn’t affect me--not anymore. You all need to realize that I’m no longer the kid you dragged into this freak show. I don’t need anyone to protect me any more. Kaitlynn Grace was weak, but I’m not. I’ve seen terrible things, done even worse deeds. You don’t need to worry about me.”

I lightly scoffed at a new thought. “You should all be worried about yourselves! You should lock me up, wonder whether or not to trust me, not coddle me like a child! You wouldn’t let the Winter Soldier wander the corridors freely, so why should it be any different for me?”

Steve frowned. “Bucky is--”

“Did I say Bucky?” I interjected coolly. “I said what I meant, and I meant what I said.”

I rolled my eyes yet again. “I’d really appreciate being let into my room, now.” I turned on my heel to walk away, but was stopped (again--seriously people, just let me leave already!) by Wanda calling to me.

“What did they do to you to fill you with such hate for yourself? You were so innocent…”

“Все вещи действительно нечестивые начать с невинностью.” I said over my shoulder. As I left, I heard Bucky softly translate my words.

“All things truly wicked start from an innocence.”

 

I stormed back towards my room, hoping that I’d avoided any major confrontation, when I was suddenly taken aside by my uncovered hand once more. I had a momentary wave of panic until I saw who it was.

“”Loki.” I huffed. “What are you doing.” I tried to pull my arm  away, but he held fast, watching in frustrated confusion as his complexion faded to a frosty blue. The would-be king had been strangely absent from the Avengers’ interrogation, but now, it seemed he wanted answers of his own.

“You may be able to lie to those pathetic mortals and my dim-witted brother, but I am the _god_ of lies. What are you?”

I clenched my jaw, already 900% done with this conversation.

“What are _you_?” I asked, turning his question back on him. “That’s twice now you’ve had skin to skin contact with me, you should be long dead. Not even an Asgardian could--”

Realization hit me. “You’re not Asgardian, are you?” He immediately dropped his grip on me, jerking back as if he’d been burned.

“In HYDRA’s files, you were called ‘Laufeyson’... You can withstand my particular powers… You’re a Jotun.”

He flashed me dark glare. “How do you know all of these things without anyone telling you? Why didn’t you figure all this out before you were taken?”

I didn’t answer. Loki chuckled darkly. “Ah, you’re afraid.” Evidently it was his turn to do the deducing now… “You’re scared that the others won’t stop prodding and investigating until your dark deeds are brought to light. You know they’ll look on you with fear and disgust, horrified at what you’ve allowed yourself to be turned into.”

“Just shut up.” I snapped, backing away with my bare hand held tightly to my chest.

He laughed again. “But you know the _best_ part of all this? There’s a shadow on your soul… You _liked_ the power they gave you. The darkness you have found is rooted in you, bleeding into every crevice of your existence, and it will never. Go. Away. You think that they should fear you, just as you fear yourself.”

Glaring at the floor, I spat back, “Are you addressing only me?” I snapped my gaze up to meet his. “Or are you speaking to yourself as well, иней гигант?”

In that moment, looking into his eyes, I knew that each of us was seeing ourselves in the other. And then, I broke. My shoulders slumped and my anger dissipated. I felt the fear and pain washing over me, flooding past the dam I’d built to make myself seem strong.

“Can you help me?” I whispered hoarsely, dropping both hands to my side.

His expression was hard to read, but I thought I saw a hint of guilt.

Shaking his head, he finally replied, “You don’t want my help.”

“ _Please_.” I begged. “The others… They won’t understand, but I know you will! I--”

“Don’t you see? That’s why I _can’t_ help you.”

He sighed, running a hand over his face. “You said it yourself when we first met. We’re alike, you and I. You think you’re broken? Well so am I. How can I help you when I can’t even help myself? I would only make your situation worse.” He avoided my gaze.

I thought for a moment.

“Then… Maybe… we could help each other?” Loki glanced at me incredulously. “Look, I’m no good at this whole… _touchy-feely_ crap either, but we understand each other, which is more than I can say for any of the others.” My tone became desperate. “They just don’t get it, they don’t see how hard it is to overcome the past. Like you said, the darkness, the power… it’s tempting. I-I can’t do this alone…”

It took a lot for me to admit that, but it was somehow easier to talk about it with Loki.

The Jotun sighed. “You’re right.”

I frowned in confusion.

“The others don’t understand.” He faced me. “I give you my word, Agent Grace, you will not make the same mistakes that I did. No one will ever look at you like a monster because of a thoughtless mistake.”

He held out his hand to me, though I could tell he was reluctant to do so. “I will do everything in my power to help you.”

Trembling, I accepted his outstretched hand. “As will I for you.”

This journey wouldn’t be an easy one by any means, but at least we wouldn’t be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Russian Tranlations  
> иней гигант - frost giant


	16. Beyond Help

Loki tried to help. He really did. But I apparently just couldn’t _be_ helped. We trained in secret, trying to figure out how to stop me from freezing everything I touched, but nothing worked.

“Just concentrate, Kaitlynn.”

“What do you think I’ve been doing! This just isn’t working, okay. I think I should just--”

“Oh no you don’t.” Loki said, blocking my path. “I can’t let you give up this easily.”

“Loki, look, I appreciate that you tried, and it really means a lot, but it’s becoming more and more apparent that there’s nothing you can do.”

I stepped around him, muttering to myself. “I’ll just just have to accept that I’m a monster.”

Loki stopped me, grabbing me by the shoulders.

“You are not a monster. Don’t ever think that this,” he took my hands, grimacing as his skin turned blue, “Means that you are anything less than perfect. I know many in Asgard who could not hope to match your spirit.”

I sighed, moving away. “It’s not about _this_ , Loki… It’s like you said, there’s a darkness in me.” I looked up at him, cutting him off before he had a chance to protest. “It’s true. As a kid who had never known violence, my first kill shot was point blank between the eyes! I didn’t even react. And then there were all those innocents… HYDRA had me…” I trailed off unable to finish.

“But you know…” I paused to shoot him a glare. “What I’m about to say can never be repeated, understand? When HYDRA found out who I really was, they found my parents. I had to…” I took a deep breath. “ _I_ killed them, Loki.”

A gasp came from the door. We both turned to see Wanda and the majority of the team staring at me, their faces filled with sympathy. My own gaze hardened, my harsh facade making a reappearance.

“I don’t want your pity.” I spat. “Stop looking at me as if I’m broken, I know what I am. It’s like I said, none of you could possibly understand what I’ve been through.

“You wanna know what’s really wrong with me? Why I’m not _enhanced_? I was born like this, apparently. It’s in my _DNA_.” I flung my words at them angrily, like I was spitting poison. “I’m a mutant, okay? I’ve always had this ‘X gene’, but HYDRA’s experiments just now triggered it.” I threw my hands up in exasperation. “I’m just a late bloomer! And now, I can deduce faster than ever before, I notice more details. But that’s not all, oh no. I got stuck with the short end of the stick on mutations. It just so happens that _I destroy everything I touch_.”

Just to prove my point, I went over to the small table and snatched a flower from the vase.

_Seriously, why do we have breakable things in the training rooms?_

As soon as my skin touched the delicate blossom, a menacing frost began to spread from the point of contact, withering the stem and petals until the whole flower had been consumed. I moved to exit the room, dropping the frozen plant at Wanda’s feet as I left.

 

By the time I reached my room, I had put my gloves on again. I was frustrated with myself, irritated that I had lost control of my emotions and let my mask slip.

Then, something strange happened, something that had never happened before. I could feel the temperature of the whole room begin to decrease.

No… It must have just been my imagination. My powers didn’t extend beyond physical contact. I shook my head, trying to clear the cobwebs from my mind. All of my emotions were welling up inside me, no matter how hard I tried to pretend that I didn’t feel anything.

There was a sudden knock at the door, causing me to jump.

“Kaitlynn? It’s Natasha. I just want to talk.”

I tried to keep my voice level. “Go away. I don’t want to talk to anyone.”

Then another voice spoke up.

“It’s Bucky.” A pause. “You don’t even have to let me in, I can just talk to the door.”

I thought about his offer.

“Only if you’re alone. I don’t even anyone else in the hallway.”

Another pause.

“Okay, it’s just us now.”

I hesitated, then moved to open the door. I grabbed him by his metal arm and dragged him into the room, glaring at him as I shut the door.

“Oh stop that.” he growled. “I don’t buy this act, not for one second. So we’re going to have a nice long talk about whatever it is that’s got into your head.”

I scoffed. “HYDRA got into my head, _James_. And the only way that I can protect anyone from it is if I stay away from the rest of you.”

“That’s not the way to handle this and you know it, Kaitlynn.”

I sat on my bed, sighing. “Then what do you suggest, Barnes? Nobody here can help me. Even Loki tried! He has similar powers, but he still couldn’t do anything.”

He thought, somewhat uncertain himself. “We’ll think of something.”

I hesitated, relenting somewhat. “How do you do it, Bucky?” He looked confused, so I elaborated. “I can’t escape this… this _crushing_ guilt, I’m haunted by the nightmares of the horrible things I’ve done. How do you deal with this all the time? You were there so much longer than I was… How do you go on living with yourself after _them_? Through all the memories…” My voice took on a despairing tone. “I can’t stop seeing their faces… their tearful pleas for mercy before I took their hope away. Took… their lives.”

Bucky listened intently, though I could tell he hadn’t expected me to say so much. “Look kid, I’m sorry that you had to have all of this dropped on you at such a young age, but--”

“I told you, I don’t want your pity.” I growled. “So if you’re here to try and patch up what happened to me, you can get out now.”

He frowned, somewhat taken aback by my demeanor.

I laughed, the stress of everything suddenly crashing down at once. “You know, I have a higher kill rate than you.” Funny how this statement didn’t seem to put him at ease.

I sighed. “Look, there’s nothing you can do to change what happened, to change what I’ve become… So there’s no use in anyone being upset for me.”

“Maybe so.” he shrugged, “But now it’s up to you what you decide to become next. Take what you’ve learned, the ways you’ve changed, and use them for something different. If you hate what you are, then be something else.”

“How?” I demanded. “How do I change _this_?” I waved my gloved hands around. “I can’t change my biology.”

“There are people who can help.”

“Who?” I scoffed. “Loki already tried.”

“That was just one person, Kaitlynn. We will find a way.”

I clenched my jaw, trying not to have another outburst. “I think you should go now.”

Bucky didn’t look happy about it, but he nodded and headed to the door. “Just remember, Kaitlynn: Despite what you think, you don’t have to do this alone.”

I stood, ushering him out of the room.

“Yes, I do.”

And with that, I closed the door, concealing myself from the world once more.


	17. What Did You Expect?

I’ll give the Avengers one thing, they are annoyingly persistent. No wonder the bad guys never win…

They wouldn’t leave me alone, no matter how badly I threatened them, so despite my stubbornness, I agreed to one training session.

I showed up thirty minutes early, boredly twirling a half-frozen knife in my ungloved hand when Nat and Pietro walked in.

“Didn’t think you were actually going to show.” the assassin commented offhandedly.

I raised an eyebrow, surprised that at least _someone_ wasn’t trying to walk on eggshells whenever they talked to me. It was actually a welcome change…

“Oh don’t give me that look.” she said, rolling her eyes. “You’re not going to get any better if we all tiptoe around the situation.”

I shrugged nonchalantly, still fiddling with the knife. Natasha seemed unimpressed.

“Come on. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

I hopped off of the table I’d been reclining on, moving a bit closer as I put my gloves back on.

“Okay, but I’d like to establish some rules first.” As I’d expected, they looked at me like I’d sprouted a third eyeball right in front of them. However, I ignored them and continued, “One: No skin to skin contact. Even if you numbskulls think I’m safe, I don’t and my opinion is the only one that carries any weight right now. Two: Don’t try to make small talk or ask questions--I’m not in the mood. Clear?”

Nat obviously didn’t like it, but she nodded.

“Fine. You and Maximoff are going to spar. No limitations on powers, no holding back. Just don’t hurt each other beyond what the medbay cam fix in a few days and we’re fine. I need to see every aspect of your skills, so I expect you to show everything, Agent Grace.”

It was my turn to throw an eyeroll.

“How many times do I have to tell you--”

“Yeah yeah, ‘Kaitlynn Grace is dead.’ Well too bad, I don’t buy it so shut up and show me what you’ve got.”

I scowled but stayed silent, readying myself for the fight. Before I had even prepared myself, a blur of wind slammed into me, sending me flying across the mat. I growled lowly and quickly flipped up onto my feet. I took a deep breath, waiting… I thrust out the heel of my palm, meeting my target with a small grunt of pain from Pietro. He fell to the ground from the sudden stop. Sitting up, he winced in pain.

“I just broke your collarbone.” I remarked offhandedly, moving to grab a towel. “You should be fine in about three hours, given the rate of your advanced metabolism and healing.”

Pietro frowned, sitting up.

“How did you do that?”

“It’s pretty simple, Maximoff.” I shrugged. “I know you’ve done it yourself several times… Proper application of force at the right angle will break any bone.”

“That is not what I meant…” he grunted as Natasha helped him to his feet. “You could see where I was going… How could your eyes register movement that fast?”

I snatched up a towel and ripped off one of my gloves, pressing my hand against the cloth. As the ice spread over it, I held it out to Pietro.

“Here, you’ll need this for the bruising.”

He took it, and I replaced the glove, sighing.

“You didn’t answer his question.” Nat commented.

“I didn’t.”

Both of them gave me an exasperated look and I rolled my eyes.

“I meant I _didn’t_ register the movement that fast.”

They were obviously still confused.

“It’s not about seeing where you’re going, it’s about deducing where you’re _going to be_. I analyzed your fighting pattern and aimed my strike where I knew you’d be. Essentially, I let you run into me and take yourself out.”

Natasha instantly looked interested.

“You analyzed and deduced all that in a matter of seconds?”

I shrugged.

“Part of my powers. I was already good at deducing. It was my supressed mutation starting to bleed through.”

She opened her mouth to respond but just then, Clint walked in.

“What’s wrong?”

“HYDRA. They’ve attacked one of our collaborators.”

I looked up, interested now.

“Name?” I demanded.

Barton looked surprised.

“What?”

“Who are they targeting? Is it Ferdinand?”

He paused, then, “Yeah, it is… How’d you know?”

I sighed.

“He was my next target.” The other three exchanged concerned glances. “Oh stop that… If you get me to him, I can save your guy.”

The look on Natasha’s face clearly said that none of them thought that was a good idea, but Clint spoke up.

“Fine.”

“Clint--”

“Nat, just trust me. Even if you don’t trust _her_.”

I frowned. What was he playing at? Pietro looked like he was wondering the same thing. Whatever the case, Nat nodded reluctantly.

“Okay. But you’ll be under surveillance to be sure things don’t get out of hand with your powers.”

I was already halfway out the door by the middle of her statement. The others tailed me all the way to the jet, where Tony was waiting.

“Um… Sherlock? What do you think you’re doing?”

“Your job.” I replied, not in the mood for a confrontation. “Barton already cleared me so let’s get a move on. HYDRA will have taken over the building by now.”

Still frowning, he and the trio who had followed boarded the jet behind me. I flipped a few switches on the control panel.

“Hey hey hey, what do you think you’re doing?” Tony demanded.

“I’m heading to the location. I remember the coordinates from my last mission profile.”

“Oookay…” Stark moved to the control panel and put the jet in the air.

I moved to sit in a different part of the jet, planning my strategy. Actually, I was planning multiple strategies for any possible situation. If they did this, I’d do this. They’d probably try to kill him in this way, or this other way as a backup…

Before I knew it, we were there. I moved to leave the jet, walking away as if I owned the joint. I was headed right into the middle of a firefight, but I didn’t let that stop me. I made my way through the building, taking down a couple HYDRA agents along the way, heading to where I knew the target would be--that was all they were anymore, targets. Objectives. Not people.

I found him soon enough, cowering behind his desk.

“John Ferdinand?”

The man flinched.

“What?”

I rolled my eyes. Idiot.

“I’m with SHIELD. Get up before HYDRA comes and leaves your corpse on the floor.” Seemingly terrified, he nodded and followed me. “When they start shooting at us, just stay low behind me and move quickly.”

I doubted he had the courage to disobey orders, so I headed downstairs without waiting for a response. The others who had come along were holding off the opposing forces. I pulled the target to the jet with me, informing the others that I had him.

I dragged the man onto the jet. As soon as the rest of the tac team was securely on board, we headed back towards the tower.

I was the only one who knew exactly why HYDRA wanted the target. I knew that when the others inevitably discovered the reason, they might thank me…

Or they might kill me.


	18. Survival is Key

The ride back to the tower was dead silent. I guess they could tell by my expression that I had no interest in chit-chatting. The target--sorry, _Ferdinand_ …

Whatever they wanted me to call the guy, he was pretty shell-shocked.

Deep in thought, I hardly noticed when we arrived.

Clint hesitantly called to me, “Kaitlynn?”

Blinking back into reality, I looked up.

“We’re here.”

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what was to come.

“Right. There’s some things I need to establish with… Ferdinand…”

He gave me a sort of strange look, but nodded.

“Okay, should be fine… The whole team will talk to him.”

I paused.

“I should do it alone.”

“Sorry, that’s not an option.” Natasha interjected suddenly.

“You still don’t trust me…” I sighed, sarcastically overdramatizing hurt and offense. “Fine, I can work with the hard way.”

Without waiting for a response, I strode off of the jet and into the common room where a few of the others were lounging. The others followed, bringing the target with them.

_This is going to be harder than I expected…_

As the team took time to gather, I pondered the consequences of what I was going to do. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Loki lingering in the doorway. Ferdinand tentatively sat down on the couch, maintaining his fearful demeanor.

_Good. He should be scared._

I pulled a knife from my belt and started fiddling with it. The man’s eyes widened warily. He’d obviously caught wind of my reputation… That would make things less difficult.

“So, Ferdinand…” I began, catching the others off guard. They hadn’t expected me to take charge, and they were obviously concerned about my intentions with that knife. “What’s HYDRA’s interest in you?”

“I-I don’t know…” the man stuttered. “I had hoped you all might tell me that…”

I shrugged, walking around behind the couch.

“I’d be happy to tell you.”

Swiftly, I grabbed a fistful of his hair and yanked his head back, bringing my knife up to his neck.

“Kaitlynn!” Wanda hissed sharply, moving forward.

“Shut up.” I commanded coldly, looking back to my prisoner. “Let’s make a deal. We can trade information and be great buddies, huh? I’ll tell you why HYDRA wanted you and you tell me how many agents got killed because of you while you were working for those Nazis.”

The Avengers fell silent.

“Wh-what?!” the man spluttered. “This is insane, someone stop this girl!”

No one moved. I pressed the knife harder against his neck, dangerously close to slitting his throat.

“You’re a dirty HYDRA rat, Ferdinand. You had gathered all the valuable information you could, and they were going to fake your death so you could run back to them like the dog you are to give a report.”

“You’re crazy!”

“Agent Grace. Explain yourself.” Steve demanded.

“Do you mind, Rogers? I’m busy.” I shot back, returning my attention to my captive once more. “You’re a pretty good actor, pretending to be afraid of them when I came to get you. But I see right through you. Your office was bare, as if you were planning on going somewhere. You kept looking around as we attempted to escape, rather than keeping your head down to avoid the firefight--which would be typical for an agent with minimal or no experience in the field--indicating that you regretted leaving something behind. But, your office was empty… The only thing you were leaving was your employer.”

The team was dead quiet as I spoke, frowning in concern. Bucky’s expression was simmering with anger.

“I know you think they wiped my memories…” I whispered, “But I remember _everything_. You were there during my training.” I laughed, sounding a bit deranged. “All that pain… Well now it’s your turn.”

“Kaitlynn, enough.” Natasha spoke, firmly but calmly.

I looked up, pausing upon seeing the reactions of the team. Shrugging, I took the knife away from Ferdinand’s neck and put it back on my belt.

“Fine.”

As soon as he was free, he reached into his jacket. Already anticipating his next move, I flipped forward over the couch and grabbed him, throwing him off balance. Before the others had a chance to intervene, he grabbed the gun from his pocket and pointed it at me. I really wasn’t in the mood to be shot right now, so I grabbed his wrist and twisted sharply.

There was a sharp snapping sound and the man yelled in pain and dropped the weapon. Ripping off one of my gloves, I grabbed him by the throat before he could make another move.

He attempted to choke out one last utterance as my power consumed him.

I rolled my eyes.

“I know, I know…”

Smirking darkly, I finished the phrase.

“Hail HYDRA, you worthless mutt.”

Dropping his convulsing figure to the ground, I rolled my neck as if I’d merely had an irritating crick. I stepped over the man’s body and walked away, ignoring the stunned (and perhaps horrified) silence of the others.

“I’ll explain myself later. In the meantime, find someone to get rid of that trash.”


	19. Chasing the High

It was sort of a strange sensation, waiting for my fate to be decided. I was unnaturally calm. I suppose everything that HYDRA had drilled into me was showing through. Whether I liked it or not, they were now a major part of who I was.

Now, it was just a waiting game; wondering who would come first, what they would say… It gave me a strange sort of thrill to think about it. I smirked at my faint reflection in the glass of the window, thinking that maybe my actions weren’t so bad. If my questionable decisions pushed everyone further away, then I would continue this behaviour. It was safer for the team that way.

“You seem awfully proud for someone who just killed a man in cold blood.”

I didn’t even flinch when Loki’s illusion doppleganger spoke up.

“Of course I’m proud. I’ve accomplished more than you know… And if that was an ice pun, I swear, no one will ever find your corpse.”

The illusion just raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“It wasn’t, if you care to believe me. However, that has nothing to do with the matter at hand.”

Ignoring him, I chose a different topic.

“Are you so fearful of my rage that you send a hollow projection to speak for you?”

There was a pause.

“You need to focus. Take care not to lose yourself in the lies.”

And with a glimmer of green light, he was gone. For a moment, I pondered his words. Did I really want to give in to what I’d been fighting all this time? Every moment HYDRA had had me in their clutches, I had spent steeling myself against their manipulation. But now, I could feel myself slipping. This thrill was addicting…

Something had changed in me when I killed Ferdinand; a new lust was arising. I wanted more.

If I went with this feeling, if I followed this dark current, I may succeed in my goal of pushing the Avengers away. But it wouldn’t just be my choice that drove them to hate me; it would be because I was legitimately lost to them.

I felt like I was losing control; not that I would ever admit that… But  I knew something was different now.

I needed to be alone. I changed into civilian clothes, hiding my knife in its usual spot after replacing my gloves. Easily dispatching the security system I knew the others had secretly set up, I crept from the room and out of the tower. It was night now, and only a few people were milling about. Good, that meant less people to notice me.

I don’t really know why or how I found myself in that dark, rundown section of town. Maybe I was subconsciously seeking trouble. Whatever the case, I carried myself with the unrattled composure of a cat among the pigeons. Shadowy shapes moved in the corner of my eye, but I knew they posed no threat.

Only one was stupid enough to threaten me. A lone thug stepped into my path, wielding a gun. My pulse sped up, but not from fear or adrenaline. It seemed I was looking forward to a confrontation.

The man moved towards me threateningly. I smirked and rolled my eyes, unimpressed. Easily, I sidestepped him and knocked the gun from his hand. From his panicked look, I could tell he hadn’t expected any resistance from someone of my size and stature. Using his, surprise to my advantage, I grabbed him by the collar and pulled his face close to mine.

“You like this kind of thing?” I whispered menacingly. “Finding people in the night, in the backstreets… It gives you a thrill.”

I shoved him backwards against the rough bricks, into a pool of sickly yellow light cast by a flickering streetlamp. He wasn’t a man, not really… More of a youth. That didn’t change the bloodlust I felt rising inside.

What was happening to me? The question may not have crossed my mind at the time, but the point still stood. Where had these foreign instincts sprung from?

My memory of that moment is blurred. All that I recall is a sudden rush of deliciously thrilling ferocity, and a body hitting the pavement. My gloves were sticky with a heavy substance, and my knife-- _How did that get in my hand?_ \--glinted scarlet in the darkness.

Strangely, enough, as the lifeless eyes fixated on something in the distance, I didn’t feel horrified or guilty. No, I felt… empowered. Satisfied. Drunk on this sensation, I stripped my saturated gloves away from my pale skin, which now seemed irrevocably stained a pinkish red.

The stuff was everywhere: in the crevices of my nails, painfully gluing small hairs together, and--was it running across my collarbone? The sheer brutality of my actions, for the first time that night, made me pause. After the short hesitation, a wicked smirk came over my features. I wanted _more_. And I was going to get it.

I knelt down next to the teen and pressed my hand against his lacerated throat, my powers freeze-burning a dark, blackish-blue mark into the flesh. I don’t know why I did it, it just felt right in the moment. My calling card, I suppose. Turning away to find another victim, I let my fingertips drag along the bricks at my side, leaving behind a trail of rapidly-spreading ice in my wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This concludes my update-posting! Now the next parts still need to be written, so you probably won't see anything for a while. But be sure to stick around for the rest of the adventure! Thanks for reading :)


	20. Out of Options

I didn’t return to the tower that night, or for the next three days. Empowered by this new feeling, I followed the urge wherever it lead me. I wound up in an abandoned corporate building somewhere. Ironically, I realized, it had once been a place for making and storing frozen goods.

Taking in my surroundings, I ran my hands along the walls as I explored. If I was going to stay here, I needed someplace hospitable to my preferred climate that would also serve as a fortress against unwanted visitors. I rearranged the largest office to be a bedroom of sorts, then I set about defending the premises.

I strolled into the lobby, humming thoughtfully as I observed the space. I moved up to the revolving door and placed my hand on the glass. The frost began to spread over the panels, then it seemed to crawl through the cracks of the door to begin consuming the outside of the structure.

This time, when I used my power, it wasn’t as random. I didn’t feel overwhelmed, but rather… in control. With my mind, I directed the icy path of my powers until the building had been sealed off from the outside world.

“Well this is an interesting development…” I murmured to myself. Time to do some redecorating.

 

_~No One’s POV~_

Tony frowned, looking over the newest SHIELD report. He was pretty sure he knew who was responsible, but if he was right, that would mean… Yeah, he really didn’t want to go there. But he also had a responsibility as an Avenger. He couldn’t just _not_ say anything.

This kid… She had found a place in the team’s heart in a short amount of time, and now it looked like the Avengers would be facing their biggest challenge yet. If they were forced to take her out, it might just tear them apart. Maybe that had been HYDRA’s aim all along… to make her a time bomb and destroy them from the inside.

Taking a deep breath, Tony turned off the monitor and headed to break the news to the team. He found Steve and Natasha outside the training room, chatting in quiet tones over their water bottles.

“Guys…” He immediately had their attention. The expression on his face seemed to seek volumes. “Yeah… It’s not good.” Best just get it over with. “That murder Fury mentioned a few days ago was committed by a cryokinetic mutant.”

He saw the realization in their eyes as they thought about their young ward who was currently MIA.

“Kaitlynn…”

“Yep, time to go… take care of HYDRA’s mess.”

 

It wasn’t hard to find out where she was hiding, if you could even call it that. The building was thoroughly and completely encased in a thick layer of ice and frost, despite the 90 degree weather. Not exactly inconspicuous.

None of the Avengers had been looking forward to this. Wanda insisted she could reason with Kaitlynn, but Steve wasn’t letting her anywhere near the girl until they knew for certain what they were dealing with. In fact, he had intended to do it himself, but both Bucky and Tony were firm in their “no way” stance. Maybe it was the shock of the two of them actually agreeing for once, but Steve didn’t argue.

In the end, it was decided that Bucky would go, seeing as he would have the least trouble… _compartmentalizing_ his personal attachments. Of course, the peace between he and Tony couldn’t last for very long, but Bucky didn’t even react to “Haven’t you spent enough time on ice, Barnes?” as he headed into the fortress. There was only one thing on his mind.

 

_~Kaitlynn’s POV~_

After scrounging up what my fractured mind considered to be a decent outfit from some room I had stumbled upon last night, I went down to the largest, main room in the center of the building. It wasn’t a lobby; it wasn’t near any of the entrances--another reason I liked it--but it’s ceiling spanned several floors and I had used my powers to make long, large staircases from balcony to balcony, officially making this the center of my domain.

I knew it wouldn’t be long before the Avengers came to me. A few days, at most maybe. The Soldier would probably be the one to approach… Best make things fun. In the main room, I decided for a bit of ironic overdramatics, forming a raised platform with stairs of ice and a solitary chair that resembled a throne.

That’s where I was when he finally made it inside: casually sitting sideways on the chair, my legs thrown over the arm.

“Took you longer than I expected, Soldier… I’m disappointed. I even made it easy for you.”

His dark eyes observed me carefully as he slowly moved around the room, his rifle halfway up. His flesh hand was gloved and his metal arm glinted in the cold light that refracted around me. He was no longer just a caring friend. That was still there too, of course, but now his main objective was to eliminate me as a threat, whether that meant changing my mind… or taking me out. Barnes shifted his weight, murmuring in Russian to himself.

“Come now, Soldier… Enough of that. Do what you came here to do.”

I was boredly examining my nails as I waited for him to do something.

“You killed that boy… Why?”

Smirking, I kicked my legs up and stood, the frozen floor not even slippery under my heels. “Well he was hardly innocent… And it was fun. He attacked me first anyway.”

Barnes shook his head in disbelief. “That doesn’t constitute murder!”

“You’re one to talk,” I replied quietly. “Of all people to give me a speech about morality, _you_ are perhaps the worst candidate.”

He was trying not to let my words affect him, but I could see his jaw clench as he mentally ran through all the implications of my jab. I strode down the stairs, approaching him confidently.

“Kaitlynn…”

“I suggest that you don’t call me that.”

Exasperated, he rolled his eyes. “Then what _would_ you suggest?”

“Hm… Well, Hydra called me the White Witch, but I’m really not a fan of that…” Another smirk spread across my face. “How about Frostbite? Ooh, yes… I like that a lot. Frostbite it is. _Frostbite_.”

I said it once more just to memorize the way it felt. The Soldier was growing impatient.

“Look, something went wrong with you. I don’t know what, but you were fine yesterday. Or… stable, at least.”

My expression hardened. “My eyes were opened, that’s what happened. This way is so much better… If I hate everyone, I’m not afraid of hurting anyone. Problem solved.”

“I can’t let you keep doing this.”

“Try to stop me, then.”

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, he lunged forward, grabbing my throat.

“This brings back memories…” I choked out as frost began crawling up his metal arm.

Barnes growled and slammed me into the ground. Barely even dazed, I was confident he’d soon be dead, but the smirk slid off of my face when I saw the effects of my powers suddenly sizzle and evaporate. The metal, once a comfortable temperature for me in the chilled room, was now growing unbearably hot. I hissed in pain and reached for the bare skin of his face, determined to end this here and now. Maybe sending the Avengers his corpse would get my message through to them…

But before I could make contact, there was a sharp prick in my neck. The world tilted suddenly, my vision blurring before fading from gray to black.

 

_~Bucky’s POV~_

Whatever Stark had given me was definitely efficient. Almost immediately after I gave her the injection, the girl I thought I knew went limp on the icy floor, her snow-white hair haphazardly splayed around her pale face.

I no longer felt anything regarding her. Initially, it had been a mixture of protectiveness and companionship, but now… Now she was just a reminder, a traitor no better than HYDRA. That made me cold and indifferent. Sighing, I lifted her over my shoulder, alerting the team that I was on my way back.

Once she was secured and we were in flight, I sat off by myself, thinking things over. I didn’t speak to anyone, even when the jet landed. Not at the tower, though. We had all decided she needed to be contained at the main base. A few hours later, we were standing around the containment room where Kaitlynn was still heavily sedated, comatose and restrained in a hospital bed. Helen Cho and Bruce Banner stood next to Steve, Tony, Clint, and I. They said they had news about her condition, but by the grim looks on their faces, it wasn’t good.

“So let me get this straight…” Tony started once they’d explained, “HYDRA put a leech in her?”

“Not quite,” said Doctor Cho. “It’s a non-living symbiotic parasite. Completely artificial, but enough to cause a permanent change in her system.”

“Can you get rid of it?” Steve asked, concerned.

Helen looked over to Bruce, leaving him to deliver the news. The man sighed and pulled his glasses off, rubbing his eyes with his other hand.

“Unfortunately, whatever agent they used has now permanently bonded to her DNA, sort of… latching onto her mutation. If we attempt to separate it, her system will cannibalize and she’ll die.”

I saw Clint go pale at Banner’s words. Stark was staring at the floor, anxiously stroking his beard. Steve’s jaw clenched, his gaze fixing on nothing. I was the only one to speak up.

“So we can either kill her by trying to save her… or we let her destroy herself?”

“Well…” Banner hesitated, “I may have an alternative.”

“What kind of alternative?” Clint finally found his voice.

“A colleague of mine, Professor Charles Xavier, specializes in mutations and he has a scientist in his facility, someone much more knowledgeable when it comes to problems like Kaitlynn’s. The professor runs a school for young mutants unable to control their powers or seeking refuge from society. He’s willing to take her in, to try to figure out what’s going on.”

We all exchanged glances. This option wasn’t quite ideal…

“Setting _Frostbite_ loose in a school full of kids doesn’t exactly sound smart…” I pointed out.

“Professor Xavier assures me that it will be alright. He’s quite confident that they can handle it.”

Steve sighed. “I don’t like it, but… right now, it sounds like the only choice we’ve got.”

Tony looked up, resignation written on his face, weakly covered by joking humor. “Alright then… Time to deliver one teenage assassin to the mutant academy and hope nothing goes wrong.”


	21. What Now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know that the events of First Class through Apocalypse happened in like the seventies and eighties etc., but it's fanfic so I'm allowed to bend timelines which is exactly what I did. Jean, Scott, and the others are all Kaitlynn's age and Alex isn't dead. The older ones like Alex, Hank, Ororo, etc. are all their FC/Apocalypse actors, but Bobby, Rogue, and Pyro all exist and are also Kaitlynn's age.

Walking out of my room, I adjusted my gloves, silently thanking Professor McCoy for the specialized clothing to help suppress my powers. I waved at Logan--none of that “Professor” stuff with him--and continued on my way out to the gardens. At the base of the old tree, my boyfriend sat waiting. It was bit ironic, that tree. See, the very guy in question had accidentally blasted it  to pieces with his powers a while back, but thanks to a mutant with nature powers, dear Professor Xavier’s favorite tree was restored.

“Hey Scott!” I called with a smile.

Looking up, he held his hand out to me. It was a shame that my powers separated us from even just kissing or holding hands, but he seemed cool with the arrangement so I wasn’t going to complain. I had come a long, _long_ way from where I’d started when I first got to the Academy over a year ago.

 

_~One Year Ago~_

I woke up to the sound of a heart monitor beeping steadily. Thanks to my new mutations, I immediately noticed several things. First, there were restraints loosely wrapped around my wrists. Second, I had no idea where I was. The most likely deduction was that the Avengers had put me in some sort of SHIELD prison, but something just felt off. I mean, the walls were blue and all futuristic, and it was cool, like I was underground.

I tried to sit up, but was stopped by the restraints. Growling in frustration, I turned my attention towards escape.

_“There’s no need for that, Miss Grace.”_

The sudden voice in my head made me jump. It was really strange to hear something that wasn’t my own conscience…

“Get out of my head! Leave me alone… Talk to my face, you telepathic coward. If SHIELD wants to--”

_“I am not with SHIELD. Everything will be explained shortly.”_

Just then, a panel slid open; a door that disappeared to reveal a scruffy, muscled man who looked like he should be working in a lumbermill. Accompanying him were a tall, sandy blond man with glasses and a woman with a shock-white mohawk.

“Oh wow, so impressive,” I snarked. “Look what _not_ -SHIELD dropped off. A group of freaks to make me feel welcome?” I was throwing up my defenses, trying to assess the situation as I eyed a man in a wheelchair rolling through the door. “Ah, you must be the telepath. Care to tell me the name of this super secret prison?”

“Hey, calm down there, bub,” said the lumberjack.

I responded by cussing him out in Russian. To my surprise, of all people, the timid scientist-looking guy responded with perfect fluency, scolding me for my language.

“I know a guy like you. He’s a hundred-year-old stick-in-the-mud.”

“Ah, I assume you mean Captain Rogers,” said the man in the wheelchair. “He and the others are quite fond of you. They sent you here so we can help you.”

I rolled my eyes. “I can’t _be_ helped.”

Chuckling softly, he replied, “Of course you can.”

“Right, well rather than us agreeing to disagree why don’t you just can it and let me go, Hot Wheels?”

“Hey!” the lumberjack man said sharply. “Show some respect.”

“I think I’d rather stick needles in my eyes,” I muttered. “Or _your_ eyes… That’s an option too.”

“Please calm down…” said the scientist, moving to change my IV. “Look, this serum should neutralize the effects of the biological parasite attached to your DNA. Your mind will clear up a bit here soon. Until then… you should rest.”

“Whatever.”

The woman was quiet through the whole interaction, for which I was glad. I didn’t know where I was, but I wanted out.

 

Despite my initial hostility, I did start feeling better. Eventually, the scientist, Hank, returned and released the restraints.

“You sure that’s a good idea? I might bite your head off.”

He chuckled. “No, not anymore. You might have a more… _prickly_ personality than before, but I think crazy-psycho murder is off the the table.”

“Great.” I rubbed at my wrists. “So… Now what?”

“Now… Time to meet everyone. Come on.”

So I followed him into a small elevator and then over to an office, probably the Professor’s. Inside, there was a grand bookshelf that made up the back wall. I moved forward and sat in the chair directly in front of the desk.

“How are you now, Miss Grace? Less hostile, I presume?”

I looked up at the telepath as he entered the room. “You’re the Professor of this… school, then? I mean, it has to be a school. Probably a school for mutants… Though that side is definitely secret. Otherwise the anti-mutant groups would’ve nuked this place ages ago.” Glancing around, I noticed the same group of people who had been in the lab before. The lumberjack looking man was watching me with a strange expression. It wasn’t quite curious, but he certainly wasn’t wary. This was a man who wasn’t afraid of anything, but why? His arms were casually crossed in front of his chest as he observed me, as if he were trying to read me like I could read everyone else. His jaw clenched and unclenched, his knuckles flexing as if habitually…

“I’ve never met a feral mutant before…” I continued after only the briefest of pauses. The man’s gaze narrowed, and I turned my attention to Hank. “And you…” I smirked. “Well you’re perfectly _beastly_ , aren’t you?” I’ll admit it, I was just showing off at this point.

“You’ve quite made your point, Miss Grace,” the Professor said, actually looking a bit amused. “The second part of your twofold mutation is quite unique. Though there are two people with mutations rather like your other…”

I paused. “The whole…”

“Yes, that bit.” He wheeled over to the window, motioning for me to stand beside him. When I did, he continued. “I am Charles Xavier, and this is my Academy for Gifted Youngsters… We provide a home for those who are not accepted because of their abilities and a place to safely teach those whose powers are not so easily controlled.”

I nodded, beginning to understand. “And the Avengers think you can teach me. Well I’ll just say it now, you can’t. I know everything there is to know about what I can do, and what I know is that I destroy whatever I touch.”

“You mustn’t assume, Miss Grace. In my experience, mutations are often never what they first seem. Like children, they will grow and change. With you, especially. Since your mutation revealed itself late, it is extremely likely that this is not the full extent of your power. While most mutants would know their complete capabilities by now, you have only begun to scratch the surface.”

“Right…”

“Look kid,” started the lumberjack guy. “You’re definitely not the worst--” He reworded his phrase at a look from Professor Xavier. “The… _most difficult_ case we’ve ever had.”

“Indeed…” the Professor said. “Logan here was quite stubborn as well. I’m sure the two of you will get on like a wildfire.”

I smirked at Logan’s scowl. “Interesting.”

The woman was watching me a little less offensively than before, and Hank was almost smiling.

“Welcome to the Academy then, Miss Grace.”

I tilted my head slightly. “Why do you call me that? Everyone else says ‘Agent’.”

“Because you are not an agent of SHIELD here. You are my student, and from now on, you will act as such. When you are ready to return to the Avengers, you may do so if it is what you wish. But whilst you remain at my school, you will be in the care of my teaching staff, including Logan here, Hank, and our newest addition, Miss Ororo Munroe.” He nodded at each in turn, and the woman gave me sort of a half smile.

Nodding thoughtfully, I glanced out the window to see the students going about their various free time activities. “When do we start?”


	22. Bug Boy

“So, you gonna go back or what?”

“I don’t know what you mean, Scott…” I muttered, my tone dangerous as I sat beside him.

By the small inclination of his head and the ever-so-slight downward twitch of his mouth, I deduced that he rolled his eyes. Funny, how often he seemed to do that when I dodged a subject.

“Kaitlynn, it’s been a year… They need to know you’re okay.”

“Scott, I’m sure the Professor is very thorough in his progress reports. The know all they need to. Besides, I have stuff I can’t leave here…”

“Nobody said you had to _stay_ there. Come on, just a visit. It’s end of term, not like you’d be missing any school stuff when it’s summer. Besides… you know where we’ve been headed lately.”

I sighed. I knew exactly what he meant… We had been trying to make a relationship work for almost as long as I had been here, but the truth about the nature of it was becoming harder and harder to deny.

“Yeah… You’re one of the closest people to me, Scott.”

“But not in _that_ way,” he finished.

I nodded. “Best friends then?”

He chuckled and nodded. “Best friends.”

“Besides,” I grinned, “I’ve seen the way Jean looks at you…”

At first he seemed confused, but then his cheeks turned slightly pink and he rubbed the back of his neck, grumbling incoherently.

“Mhm… That’s what I thought.”

“You know, I know you changed the subject.”

“Did not.”

“Did too and you know it.”

“Did not, slander and calumny!”

“Kaitlynn, you can’t just quote Pirates of the Caribbean at me and think that I’m going to drop it.”

I suddenly became very fixated on a particular blade of grass. “Scott… In three days, it’ll be a year since they saw me, a year since I went psycho and went on a murder spree.”

He shrugged. “All the more reason to see them. They’re the closest thing to family you’ve got, don’t take that for granted.”

A silence settled while I thought over his suggestion. Could I really face the Avengers after all this time? Sure, they hadn’t seen me in almost a year, but that wasn’t even close to getting a clean slate. Even so… I suppose I _did_ owe them this, after all the trouble I’d caused.

“Fine.” Grinning, Scott looked like he was about to say something, so I cut him off. “I hate you.”

“You know you love me, Kaitlynn.”

“Whatever.”

* * *

_~Avengers Tower~_

“What made her change her mind? A year ago today, we handed her over to the Academy and now she’s coming back? It just doesn’t make sense, Nat…” Steve was pacing and thinking aloud, addressing Natasha, but not really speaking to her.

Nat, who was reclining on the couch, simply shrugged. “I think we should just be glad she’s setting foot here again. She didn’t have to see us at all.” She pause for a moment, then, “Has anyone told Loki?”

Steve shot her a look.

“Look, Cap, I know nobody here is his biggest fan, but he was her friend. He deserves this reunion just as much as we do.”

“He doesn’t _deserve_ anything, except maybe solitary confinement.”

Natasha just rolle her eyes and rose from her seat. “Whatever… Well, I’m gathering the team, and whether or not you approve, that includes Loki.”

* * *

_~Kaitlynn~_

I shifted in my seat, nervously adjusting my gloves as the aircraft docked at the new base somewhere in upstate New York. They’d changed locations not long after I left, something about one of Tony's dad's old warehouses. A small, _small_ part of me was excited to see everyone, but the rest of me was just an overwhelming feeling of _I don’t want to be here_. I felt sick to my stomach, wishing that time would slow down so I didn’t have to do this. Unfortunately for me, however, it was too late.

I wandered into the new commons area, which was a bit of a living room and a kitchen combined. How ironic, I thought, to be reuniting in the same way that I’d first met them all. The new setting reflected my own new persona. Just like the first time, Wanda was the first to notice me. When the rest of them looked over, there were a lot of mixed emotions. I noticed that Barnes wasn’t there, but though I thought it was strange, I didn’t feel like questioning it.

What I did question, however, was the young man I didn’t recognize. He was standing halfway behind Tony, nervously shifting his weight. He had dark hair and puppy-brown eyes… And he was kinda cute, which was not helping my nerves in any way at all.

Trying to make the situation a little less tense, I attempted a joke. “Replacing me with this kid? Can he even fight?”

I was met with an uncertain silence. It was obvious that they didn’t know whether or not to tread carefully around me any more. The new guy was the only one to react. His eyes went wide and he started stuttering adorably, trying to explain why he was here and that he was _definitely-not-replacing-anybody_.

I laughed softly at his expression, and the others gaped at me in disbelief.

“What?” I asked, shrugging. “It’s not like the symbiote sucked out my ability to laugh…”

The atmosphere relaxed, and it was then that a familiar Asgardian strolled up to the group, fashionably late as per usual.

“Kaitlynn…”

I nodded in acknowledgement to Loki, allowing myself a small smile. It was easy to relax when he was around. He knew what it was like to be in my shoes.

“So… new guy, what’s your name?” I paused, taking a moment to look him over. As the deductions formed a story, I smirked. “Ohhh, you’re that Bug Boy, the NYC vigilante…”

His eyes went wide again, and he resumed the stuttering routine for a bit. Eventually, he coughed awkwardly and muttered, “Spider-M-- I-I’m Spider-Man…”

“Mm…” I drawled,“I think Bug Boy suits you better.”

Flustered, he tripped over what he wanted to say before coming to a conclusion. “Fine then… _Ice Girl_.”

I blinked in surprise. I had expected that they’d have told him about me, but I’d thought that he’d be afraid of me or disgusted by me when they inevitably told him the worst. No, I realized, he’s just too innocent to feel the gravity of my actions. He was only around 18, about two years older than me.

“You’re cute,” I remarked. When the others looked at me in confusion, I calmly covered my slip of the tongue without giving myself away. “You’re like a little puppy, tripping over its own feet… But you gotta get over the whole ‘ _friendliness and trust_ ’ thing, it’s gonna get you killed.”

He opened and closed his mouth a few times before apparently deciding he couldn’t respond to that. “I’m Peter… Peter Parker.”

I clicked my tongue and tsked jokingly,”You’re Bug Boy… Now you know who I am, obviously.”

Peter grinned and retorted, “Yeah… you’re the Ice Girl.” His playful expression clearly said _Two can play at this game._

Tony, apparently having decided to finally break up the little not-quite-flirting session, cleared his throat. “Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say that it’s good to see you, Sherlock. At least, good to see you _not_ on a murder kick. That sort of puts a damper on any reunion, ya know?”

“You’re telling me…” I muttered, tugging at my gloves. Silence settled again.

“Well this is delightful,” Loki finally spoke, “But I do believe I’ll excuse myself from this macabre mood.”

“Not until you tell me why Barnes is avoiding me.”

Loki stopped in his tracks. “You should ask him yourself…” And with that, he strolled away.

“He’s… changed… since you left,” Steve admitted. “But not because of _that_. Fury showed up and confronted him about a file… Buck never told us what was in it, but that was when he started hiding himself away.”

I rolled my eyes. “Probably some seventy-year-old murder that suddenly has modern consequences… I can go talk him out of this. After all, I know a thing or two about homicidal tendencies as a result of outside forces.”

Steve shrugged. “I don’t see how it could hurt. He’s in his room, go out and to the left then take two rights, it’ll be the second door on the right.”

Smirking, I headed that way, leaving them with one last joking comment. “You know, if you had said no, I would’ve just hacked SHIELD to figure out what that file was… That’s a little game I like to play with Director Coulson, ya know? See how many files I can read before he has Daisy upgrade their firewall…” With that little admission of my involvement with SHIELD during the past year, a cacophony of confused voices followed me down the hall.

“Wait--”

“Did she just--”

“ _Director_ Coulson?!”

* * *

As I neared Bucky’s room, I thought over what I’d said about hacking SHIELD. I was the best at what I did, even better than Agent Johnson, and I knew that that was the only reason Coulson didn’t just tag me with a fancy anti-tech bracelet. It really was a little game, a practice exercise for the two of us computer geniuses. I never did any harm, never leaked any files. There was only one that I had never been able to access, like Daisy had been tasked specifically with keeping me out of that one at all costs. But, of course, that only made me want to crack it even more.

When I reached the door, I took  breath, then knocked.

“Steve, I’m not coming to see her. Go away.” He yanked the door open to find me casually leaning against the frame.

“Looks like you are, actually… So what’s up with you, Barnes? Something’s got you in a mood.”

“Kaitlynn…” He regarded me differently he had than before, but that wasn’t a surprise; all of the Avengers did now.

No, what I found strange was the difference between how he and the others acted around me. Everyone else seemed cautious, unsure because they didn’t know the new person I had become. With Bucky, however, it wasn’t just that. Whatever Fury had brought him made him… guilty. He was watching me carefully, as if he was looking for something.

Shaking my head in confusion, I just decided to ask the obvious question. “What did Fury show you?”

Bucky’s expression hardened. “Nothing. You should go now.”

He tried to close the door, but I stopped him. “I don’t think so, James.” I mentally remarked how he flinched ever so slightly when I used that name. “What was in that file? B2WS8499, right? It’s a file that popped up about four months after I left. The one file I can’t ever crack…” Nothing in his countenance changed, but a muscle in his jaw clenched and confirmed my thoughts. “I knew it… What was it?”

Finally, Bucky sighed and relented, “Someone that I hurt.”

I shrugged, not seeing the problem. “Yeah… You hurt a lot of people. What’s so different about this one?”

By the pained look he gave me, I realized that that probably wasn’t a great statement to make when trying to comfort an ex-brainwashed assassin.

“This one… It was more recent than the others. And it’s sort of… come back to haunt me now. While you were gone, I remembered it on my own, but Fury… He found out about it, but he dug deeper and found something even I never knew.”

“Well why haven’t you talked to anyone about it? Steve? Natasha? You and her are Russian-speaking buddies, right? Trade secrets in your secret language and braid each other’s hair?” He seemed a little tense about my bringing up Natasha, but I shrugged it off. “Whatever, but I still say you need to tell someone. Take it from me, keeping secrets is how you lose yourself. And the ones you care about…”

Sighing, he looked up at me. “I’ll think about it. Thank you… Kait.”

That made me pause. I had never had a nickname before, and I found that I didn’t dislike it. “Uhh… Yeah, no problem…” Awkwardly, I backed away and went to leave.

“Mind if I join you?” I looked back at him. “I kinda owe it to the others after disappearing on ‘em.”

I nodded, and Bucky stood to follow me back to the commons area. The others had spread out, no longer really gathered, but doing their own thing. Wanda was at the stove with Vision, trying to explain something over a simmering pot. Bruce stood by the coffee pot, waiting for the water to boil, and Tony was sitting half on the table, fiddling with a hologram from his watch. That Peter Parker kid was lingering in the background, awkwardly glancing around. Steve and Natasha, who were exchanging quiet words on the couch, looked up when we walked in. Their surprise at seeing Bucky was evident, but they didn’t do anything but nod in acknowledgement to his presence.

I nudged him towards them, then went to snag a taste of whatever Wanda was making. It felt a lot like old times, with how she used to jokingly chase me out of the kitchen with her powers whenever I’d steal her ingredients. I noticed the barest hint of amusement tugging at the corner of her mouth as I darted away with my prize. As I moved towards the table to talk to Tony, I was intercepted by Peter.

“Hey Bug Boy, what’s up?” I asked casually.

“Ice Girl… I just wanted to say hi. Again. I mean, get to know you better, I mean. I… I said that twice, didn’t I?”

Laughing softly, I nodded. “You did…”

He shuffled a bit, looking at the ground. “So… How about it? Maybe like… Over ice cream or s-something? I know a great place downtown… Or is ice cream too on the nose? I didn’t mean to make a cold pun, I swear!”

And as he rambled on, it was then that I realized… this little puppy had a crush. On me. I had no idea how to handle this. Scott and I had sort of gotten together by accident when we were both in a rough place, but this… Peter was older than me, true, but he just felt so young in comparison. He hadn’t been through the things I had; life was still enjoyable and not as dark for him.

I took an uncertain breath, then responded with a heavy tone. “Look… I’m not a nice person, Peter… All I can do is hurt you. It’s just better for everyone if you don’t get too close.”

He shook his head. “I don’t believe that. You might’ve had some bad stuff in your past, but I don’t think you’re as bad as you think you are.”

I paused to consider his words but resolutely shook my head. “No. You’re the kinda kid who wants a hand-holding, perfect relationship with chaste kisses and sappy words, but I can’t be that person. I can’t even risk so much as a high five without my gloves on. You haven’t seen as much of the world’s kick-in-the-teeth habits as I have.”

“My uncle died,” he retorted, his tone even and quiet. “Because of me.”

I nodded slowly. “Ah, so that’s who it was… You must live with your aunt, then? Since your parents are dead?”

I wasn’t trying to be rude, honest. After my mutation revealed itself, I discovered that when I made deductions, it was hard to avoid just blurting them out.

Peter frowned, looking slightly hurt. I immediately felt guilty, which was new.

“How about we just agree that we’ve both had some rough things happen to us?” Then, he gave me a small, sympathetic smile. “You might not know how to deal with it in a… non-hurtful way, but I still think I’d like to get to know you for you. And… maybe you should try to drop this whole ‘tough’ act, cause I don’t really buy it. I think you just wanna keep people out cause you’re scared.”

“Looks like I’m not the only one who can deduce,” I joked in a soft tone. Then, I let myself smirk slightly, in the way that said I was impressed with his gall. “You win, Bug Boy. I guess that means I owe you one first date.”

“First?” he asked, grinning.

I smirked. “Don’t push your luck… We’ll see about a second _after_.”

“After what?”

“After the first, of course. Don’t they teach math at your fancy private school, Bug Boy?” I teased, smirking.

“Clever _deduction_ , Ice Girl… Bet you can’t say which school though,” he retorted.

I tilted my head, pretending to think about it. “Hm… Midtown Science?”

“Oh come on! There’s no way that’s possible… Lucky guess, has to be.”

“Well, actually--” But just as I was about to launch into an explanation of how I had been able to rattle off the name, I felt someone watching us. I looked over to see Bucky sitting next to Nat and Steve… giving Peter what could only be described as a Murder Face. Trailing off, I watched the soldier curiously until he noticed the incredulous look I was giving him. He shifted awkwardly and looked down at the floor.

Peter was likewise confused. “Uh… Should I be worried?”

“Nah… At least, I don’t think so…”

“You don’t sound very sure…” he muttered, seeming mildly terrified at the thought of having unknowingly slighted an ex-assassin.

I shrugged. “Oh well, how about we go somewhere then?”

He gave me a funny look, kind of amused at my nonchalant attitude, then shook his head and chuckled softly. “Okay… I guess if he’s gonna kill me, I might as well get to go out with a pretty girl first, right?”

That one actually made me blush. Unable to find words for a reply, I just nodded. When he offered me his hand, I hesitated, but he just grinned like there wasn’t a care in the world. His smile was infectious, and after a second, I relented, making sure my gloves were on properly first.

As we left, I noticed Bucky watching us, his eyes narrowed and dark. I didn’t understand his behaviour, but one thing I was certain of was that I definitely needed to know what was in file B2WS8499.


	23. B2WS8499

“Useless!” I muttered under my breath at my laptop.

        “Mortal contraptions usually are…” came a snarky voice.

        “Yes, thank you for your input, Loki. If you think you can find whatever this file is with your magicky stuff, then be my guest,” I retorted.

        He grumbled about my use of ‘magicky stuff’, but then sat beside me, peering down at the screen. “Why is this so important, anyway?”

        “You know why…”

        “Well perhaps you might make more progress if you weren’t so distracted by the boy.”

        “He has a name, you know,” I said, continuing to clack away at the keyboard.

        Loki rolled his eyes. “Ah yes, Preston Porkchop, how could I forget?”

        I stopped and turned to look him in the eye. I stared him down a bit before I couldn’t take it any more and laughed. “Really? That’s the best you could do? Come on, Loki, if you’re going to purposefully mess up his name, you could at least make it interesting.”

        “ _I_  thought it was interesting,” he muttered. “Are you nearly finished?”

        “Give me a minute,” I replied curtly. “And… there. It’s all ready to go. Watch the door, would you? I don’t want Bucky walking in on this.”

        “I doubt Barnes would ever come down here, but as you wish.” He turned and walked towards the door, an illusion copy splitting off from him to patrol the hall.

        I was in the technological heart of the base at the moment, my laptop plugged into the mainframe of the place. It was as simple to get in when you’re literally already in. I knew that Daisy would inevitably pop up to stop me, so that was the little plan I had been working on: my distraction was ready now. I had created multiple programs that would simultaneously hack into SHIELD’s most important functions at the same time. The best part was that it would look like a bunch of separate hackers. That would cause a little more chaos until they figured out which ones were being bounced around false servers. After the red herring had done its work, I would be able to get to B2WS8499.

        Taking a deep breath, I started the program. There was no turning back now… Sure enough, everything was happening according to plan. I saw an opening for the file I was after, and I took it. It was almost disappointing, how easy it was to break through. Even so, I wasn’t complaining. I downloaded all the information from the file and quickly pulled out of the server before my specific actions could be tracked. I now had what I needed to figure everything out, and the program I had just unleashed was sure to keep Daisy and Coulson busy for a while, buying me some time.

        “Loki,” I called. “I got it!”

        “Good,” he replied, merging with his illusion as he rounded the corner. “Because Happy Hogan is on his way here, and he is not happy.”

* * *

        Never before had I been so grateful for Loki’s teleportation abilities. He had quickly gotten us out of the control room and into my guest room before Happy got anywhere near us.

        “Well, what now?” Loki asked, reclining in a nearby chair.

        “Now… I find out what all the fuss was about.” Opening my laptop up, I plugged in the flashdrive and pulled up the file. Inside, I found more questions than answers. “Random strings of numbers? I don’t… I don’t understand!” Growling in frustration, I slammed the device shut.

        “Calm down and think it through,” Loki said from behind the book he had picked up. “Don’t go getting impatient  _now_. You’re obviously getting close.”

        I mostly just wanted to take his book and hit him over the head with it, but I did my best to calm down and make deductions. Just then, I was struck by something that, though completely unrelated, should have been very,  _very_ obvious long before now.

        “Loki…”

        He hummed. “That is my name…”

        “Why is there no file for the young SHIELD agents program?” Finally, he looked up, a frown on his face. “I mean… I was the first one, but shouldn’t there have been like a list or something? Like… A file for other potential candidates to be recruited after the control test? I mean, even if they had discarded the program after my disaster, there would have been a record, and index or something. After all, SHIELD is patient. They could have waited for those potentials to graduate, waited until they could be regular agents… But there’s nothing. Heck, I’ve never even seen a file on myself in there.”

        Loki had set his book aside now. He leaned forward, processing it all. Watching him move, I was suddenly drawn to think about how flawless his illusions were. The only difference between the magic copy and the real thing was the physical presence.

        Physical presence…

        “That’s it!” I said, a bit louder than I meant to.

        Loki jumped slightly. “What’s ‘it’?”

        “It’s like your illusions! You’re real and it’s not!” I reopened my laptop and scrolled through the file.

        “Yes…?” He was pretty confused; after all, I had just mentally switched subjects and expected him to keep up somehow.

        “Sorry, sorry, I’m back to B2WS8499. They aren’t just random numbers, they’re coordinates and dates. See the pattern? It gets moved once a month… And this,” I pointed to the newest number, “Is where it’s headed next. It’s a  _physical_  file! This is just a digital record of its location.”

        Loki leaned over to look it over. “It’ll be less than a hundred miles from here as of tomorrow.”

        There was a pause, and we looked at each other meaningfully. There was no need to talk, we both knew what the other was thinking. We were going to steal from SHIELD.

        A sudden knock at the door startled us both.

        “Kaitlynn, Happy told me what you did! Give me whatever you took, right now.”

        Tony was obviously upset, but he was being good natured about it. I sighed and went to answer the door. When I saw his face, I smiled innocently.

        “I don’t know what you mean, Stark…” He gave me a look and I relented. “Okay, okay, it was just a prank… I was practicing for if I need to hack HYDRA or something, and I figured I’d give Coulson some trouble while I was at it. I don’t even know what I downloaded, I haven’t read it yet.”

        The not-quite-a-lie rolled off my tongue so easily that I could sense Loki was even impressed. Tony didn’t  _quite_ seem convinced, but he shrugged and accepted it.

        “Okay, well just hand over the download and I’ll cover it up. Plus, it’ll be the perfect excuse to yell at Phil for not telling me he was alive.”

        Nodding, I handed over the flashdrive and smiled a bit. “I think you’d like FitzSimmons, you should borrow them from Coulson sometime. They’re the best in a lab.”

        “I will keep it in mind. Now, behave… or you’re grounded from any more dates with Parker.”

        I snorted. “You’re not my dad… and you’re not my Professor.”

        “My roof, my rules, Sherlock,” he said, giving me that small, infuriating grin. “See you at dinner later.”

        When he was gone, Loki raised an eyebrow at me. “I do hope you had a plan for giving away our intel?”

        “Pff, please… I have a photographic memory, Loki. Now, we have a heist to plan.”

* * *

        The plan was set in place. It would be difficult to pull off with only two of us, but we could do it. Admittedly, I had been a bit distracted while trying to think through everything, but I just couldn’t get last night’s date off my mind.

* * *

_“So like I said, I know the_ best _ice cream place in Queens, you’re gonna love it.” Peter was rambling again, and though I was only half listening, I found it adorable. He was so excitable…_

_“How are we getting there, Bug Boy?” I asked when he paused for breath. Happy Hogan had driven us to the outskirts of New York City, but we still had a bit to go before reaching Queens._

_“Oh…” he realized. “Uhh… Here, put your arm around me.” I was confused, but I did as he asked. He glanced around, making sure no one was looking before wrapping an arm around my waist. His other arm extended out, and suddenly, we were swinging through the air._

_It was a bit exhilarating, I must admit. It was like flying, gracefully circling around the buildings of New York as he headed to our destination. He set us down in an alley so we wouldn’t be seen/ When I put my feet back on the ground, I needed a moment to steady myself on him, giggling a bit._

_“Whoa… That was… Wow…”_

_Peter grinned. “I know, right? It’s great…” He took my hand and lead me to the shop. We chatted a bit while we ordered and ate, and I learned about his parents and his uncle, and about how he got his powers._

_“So you’re not a mutant?” I asked. He shook his head. “Interesting… You’re kind of like Banner, though. Got your powers via radiation, etcetera.”_

_I also told him a bit about my time in HYDRA’s control. Surprisingly, he took it all in stride. Eventually, though, he noticed that he had nine missed calls from Happy._

_“Oops…” he muttered. “Well, I’m dead.”_

_“Nah, I’ll protect you,” I joked._

_He was smiling at me in an adoring way, and I was a bit distracted. What he did next, I hadn’t seen coming. Before I could even process what was happening, he leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. I gasped sharply and flinched away._

_“Peter! Do you have any idea--”_

_My concern was cut short when I noticed something odd. Or, rather, the_ lack _of something. There was no frost, no icy death spreading over him. Peter wasn’t convulsing or even recoiling in pain. He was… perfectly okay._

_“Sorry for that…” he said sheepishly. “I just had this theory, you know? I thought that… Maybe if you weren’t trying so hard to_ not _use your powers, maybe everything would be okay.”_

_I didn’t reply. I couldn’t, I was speechless. In over a year, no one had been able to touch me except Logan, but Peter made the solution seem so simple. Finally, I managed to find my voice._

_“You’re a dork.” This made him laugh. “But it looks like you’re_ my _dork…”_

_Peter paused, then smiled. “I like the sound of that.”_

_Grinning, I brushed past him towards the alley we’d arrived in._

_“We better get back, Bug Boy, Happy is liable to call Tony to send out his suits to collect us.” I paused. “I may or may not know this from experience…”_

_He laughed, and I realized that I liked making Peter Parker laugh._


	24. Secrets Revealed

        Loki and I made a good team. I suppose it was because we were so similar, but we worked well together. Our plans to essentially stage a hold up of a SHIELD transport were carefully laid out, ready to be put in motion.

        We were hiding out in the next location, waiting for the delivery to take place. Soon enough, the rumble of a government-grade vehicle could be heard, and two voices quietly exchanged greetings.

        I made eye contact with Loki, and he nodded. I pulled a black mask over the lower half of my face, noting the strange look that came over my companion’s face.

        “What?” I whispered.

        He hesitated a moment before replying. “The photos I’ve seen of the Winter Soldier… You looked exactly like him just then, for a moment.”

        I gave him a strange look, but I shook off his remark. “Whatever, let’s just get that file.”

        “No killing, remember,” he reminded me. “These people are your own.”

        I rolled my eyes and walked towards the exchange. “I thought you knew me better, Loki. I’m over all that.”

        “Just making sure.” He followed me out, and we each took one of the two agents out of commission before they even knew we were there. I peered into the backseat and looked around. To anyone who didn’t know what to look for, it would appear that the file wasn’t here. I, however, knew better. Running my hands along the floorboard, I found the hidden panel which  concealed the briefcase. I pulled it out and motioned to Loki.

        “Time to go.”

* * *

        Back in my room, hidden away from the team, Loki was working at breaking into the case with his magic. I was nervously playing around on my computer, hacking various government institutions at random intervals to take my mind off of it. I don’t know why, but I was strangely anxious about the contents of the file. There was a sudden  _click_ , and I locked eyes with Loki.

        It was done. He offered the case to me, and I pulled it into my lap as he moved to sit beside me.

        “I don’t know what I’m going to find in here, but it’s…” I took a deep breath. “I know it’s going to be big. Something to shake Bucky like that…” I trailed off. “Right, anyway…”

        I lifted the top and pulled the SHIELD-stamped, manila folder from inside. Loki watched me, but respectfully avoided looking at what was in the file as I opened it.

        As I scanned over the words, a variety of emotions washed over me. The first was confusion, then disbelief, followed by betrayal. Finally, hot anger surged through my veins. There was someone who needed to answer for this secret.

* * *

        Loki hadn’t understood why I stormed from the room. It was near lunchtime, and I knew that the one I was seeking would be there today. I had expected several of the Avengers to be there, but I was a bit surprised to see that all of them were. My gaze fixed on Barnes, and I stormed up to him.

        “How long have you known?” My voice was loud enough for everyone to hear, but it wasn’t quite at a yell.

        The man in question frowned, not having caught on just yet. I held up the file and shoved it against his chest, forcing him to take it.

        “Kaitlynn?” Steve asked, confused by the complete 180 of my demeanor.

        "Kait, I--” Bucky started.

        “My  _name_ ,” I said, “Is Kaitlynn. Now  _how long_  have you known?”

        “I told you, just a few months, when Fury--”

        “Don’t  _lie_  to me! That’s why you saved me when we first met, isn’t it? Because you remembered that you’re my  _father_!”

        The shock in the room was electric.

        “What?” Peter asked, his voice cracking nervously.

        Bucky sighed and relented. “I never forgot you, Kait… Kaitlynn. I didn’t lie… I just… I only recently discovered who your mother was. That’s what Fury told me.”

        “He’s your father?” I had forgotten Loki was behind me. “How?”

        I turned to face him, wanting to look anywhere but at that man. “HYDRA took the DNA of the Winter Soldier… and combined it with the DNA they removed from the Black Widow during the graduation ceremony.”

        When I looked at Natasha, her face was stoic. Of course he would have told her by now. I was the one who had advised him to, after all. She was watching me with an unreadable expression.

        “That little test tube baby?” I continued, “That was me, apparently. Those people who raised me, the ones I killed and  _mourned_  for, they were HYDRA agents. And you know what? They were prepping me.  _They_  are the ones who put the symbiote in me, building it up over time. That’s why my mutation was delayed. There are…” I took a careful breath, trying to get my words together. “I’ve had my memory wiped, apparently, because that file says the Soldier trained me. And SHIELD, they’ve been monitoring me since they found out about me. There  _is_  no program for young agents… and there never was. It was all SHIELD’s way of making sure that I was  _their_  weapon, and nobody else’s.”

        “But… there has to be some explanation for this,” Bruce said.

        “There is,” I snapped. “I know I’m on the threat index, but it’s not because of my psychotic breakdown… It’s just because I was  _born_  dangerous. Lethal assassins breed another lethal assassin, yeah?” I knew my eyes were dangerously icy as I stared Bucky down.

        “That’s enough,” Steve said. “Kaitlynn, you need to remove yourself from the situation and take a breath.”

        I opened my mouth to throw a retort back, but, of all people, Loki cut me off. “Listen to the Captain, Kaitlynn. Discovering you’ve been lied to about your heritage… it is by no means pleasant, but don’t let yourself do anything you’ll come to regret.”

        At his words, the fire in my blood began to die down, and the room’s temperature seemed to rise a few degrees. I knew that he was right, and that he’d had firsthand experience in letting the rush of emotions take over.

        Bucky tried to speak to me one last time. “Please, Kait--”

        “ _Kaitlynn_ ,” I corrected abruptly.

        Nodding, he continued, “Kaitlynn, I’m sorry for not telling you… I didn’t know all of it. And the stuff that I could remember… You were better off not knowing.”

        I acknowledged him with a slight jerk of my head. “You can explain later… when I don’t feel like tearing your throat out.” I whirled to face the way I’d come from when a voice hesitantly  called to me.

        “Kaitlynn…” It was Peter.

        I glanced at him, then Bucky caught my gaze In a moment of spitefulness, I looked Peter in the eye and smiled softly.

        “ _You_  can call me Kait.”

        Then I was gone.


	25. The Things We'd Rather Forget

        Bucky didn’t know what to do. Kaitlynn was never supposed to find out, but know she knew what she was. His daughter…

        When she had saved him, he’d thought he was hallucinating. He had trusted her for some reason or other, so he’d taken her to his hideout and patched her up. It was purely a repayment of a debt. That is, until she traded herself for him. He had gone with Steve to the tower, and suddenly, it hit him why the girl was so familiar.

        Really, he should have seen it right away, but his instincts had guided him despite his lack of cognition. Her dark hair nearly matched his own, but hers was closer to a dark blonde tone. Her brown eyes must have come from her mother, he had thought.

        Bucky had started analyzing her then, going over the few memories he had of her, trying to imagine which features were from the unknown mother and which were him. They shared the same chin shape, but her nose was different…

        Then reality had snapped back in. She was gone, exactly where HYDRA wanted her to be. He could marvel over what he knew after she was saved.

        But things hadn’t turned out as he had hoped, and he lost her again. Once more, they were separated by something HYDRA did. Fury had come to him while Kait was gone. He showed him the file, that stupid thing, and he had revealed the answer to the question of the hour. The mother of his child was none other than Natasha Romanoff. At first he hadn’t believed it. He knew what the Red Room had done to her, and there was no way. Then, the more he saw of this new era’s technology, he slowly came to accept it.

        Now, he was sitting up on the roof of the facility, lost in thought. HYDRA hadn’t let him see her very often, but when they had, it was mainly for training purposes. They forced him to teach her via trial-by-fire. If she was too slow, she would catch the edge of the Winter Soldier’s knife. If she let her exhaustion overcome her, she would find herself on the concrete floor of the sparring ring.

        Of all the unwanted memories Bucky had, these were, by far, the worst.

        “Buck?”

        He sighed when he heard his friend speak up.

        “Steve, I get what you’re trying to do, but I really don’t think it’s gonna help.”

        Steve sat down beside him. “Just talk to me… Tell me what you’re thinking.”

        Bucky remained silent, letting his gaze trail over the New York skyline. It had changed so much while he’d been HYDRA’s puppet…

        Just when he could tell that Steve was ready to give up and leave, Bucky relented and spoke in a monotone, “HYDRA made me a lot of things, Stevie, but the worst thing they did to me was make me an abusive father.”

        His friend looked at him, but didn’t speak.

        “I know what you’re thinkin’... ‘Bucky, it wasn’t your fault, you weren’t in control,’ but I should have tried. I… Why wasn’t I strong enough, Steve? My  _daughter_ … and I just let them hurt her. I let them make  _me_  hurt her. You’d think that the ‘dad’ instincts woulda kicked in, made me snap out of it…”

        “Stop it,” Steve finally said. “Stop doin’ that to yourself. Bucky, she can’t even remember any of that.”

        “You think that makes it better?” He knew he was raising his voice now, but he didn’t care. “HYDRA’s little memory trick never lasts, Steve,  _never_! Even if it doesn’t wear off, I still did it.”

        Steve hung his head. “You’re right… I’m sorry. Listen, maybe… Maybe the kid can talk to her, convince her to let you say your piece.”

        “No.” His answer was immediate and firm. “I don’t wanna mess with what they got goin’. She’s happy with him, Steve. I ain’t about to take that from her by makin' him meddle for my sake.”

        “Bucky, she’s never been more alone than she is right now. Kaitlynn just found out that the people she thought were her parents never really cared, that she was just some experiment to them. If there were ever a time when she needed a family, it’s now.”

        “Yeah, well I can’t be that for her,” Bucky said flatly.

        “You don’t know that.”

        They both let the silence fall again, and the two soldiers simply drank in the atmosphere and the view.

        “What would you have named her?” Steve asked suddenly. “If they’d let you choose, or if… if it had been normal circumstances.”

        Bucky thought about it for a moment, then, “Winnie, maybe. For my ma… Or Rebecca for my sister.” Smiling slightly, he let a hint of a joke shine through. “Maybe her middle name coulda been ‘Steph’ or somethin’, after my favorite punk.”

        Steve nodded, pretending to mull it over for a moment. “That poor kid…”

        “Hey, watch your mouth, now.”

        The two exchanged a glance, then let themselves laugh, as if it were the good old days and everything was alright.

        “Mister... Sergeant Barnes, sir?” came a voice. “Uh… could I maybe talk to you? Sir…”

        It was the kid. The metal plates in Bucky's arm creaked, and Steve glanced down at Bucky’s clenched fist.

        “Oh, Cap-Captain America. Mister Rogers, sir, I didn’t know you were up here, too. I can just go…”

        “Take a breath, son,” Steve said. Watching the poor kid flounder was mildly amusing, but mostly painful.

        “What do you want?” Bucky asked, his tone somewhere between dangerous and reluctantly accepting.

        The kid stepped closer, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. “I just want to talk about Kait. Kait _lynn_.”

        Bucky took a deep breath, trying to count the reasons why  _not_  to hit this kid. One, he was a kid. Two, he meant well. Three, Kait already hated him enough already. Four… Four. Come one, there had to be a number four… No? Okay, three was fine.

        “Okay, Parker. Talk.”

        “I- I… I promise I’m gonna be respectful and everything and... and I’d really prefer it if you didn’t kill me, Sergeant Barnes, sir,” he stammered.

        Something about this pitiful routine made Bucky relent slightly.

        “Listen, kid,” he said, looking back out at the city, “Whether I approve of you or not, Kait wants nothin’ to do with me right now. My opinion means jack to her. All I want from you right now is your word… that you’ll look after her.”

        He half expected Parker to flat out fall over. The boy’s eyes went wide, and he started floundering with his words again until Bucky cut him off. “Just yes or no is fine…”

        “Oh, uh, ye- yes, of course, sir. Mister Soldier-- Mister Sergeant.” Peter paused for a second. “That’s… that’s not right… Mister Sergeant Barnes?” he offered, trying again.

        Bucky let out a soft snort of amusement. “You should be talking to her, not me. She’s the one who needs you right now, Parker, go on.”

        The kid nodded, then slowly backed away. When he was gone, Bucky purposely ignored Steve’s pointed look. The skyline was taunting him. It was clear and effortless, whereas his mind was murky. These memories were hitting him hard… He just hoped - most likely in vain - that his little girl never had to remember the things he did.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to chat with Kaitlynn, I have a joint Tumblr with a few friends where you can ask her and many of my other OCs anything you want! Here's the link: x-vengers-and-co.tumblr.com


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